Cuban Crafters Perfecto cutter

[Lionhound]

Hi All,

Still on lookout for a CC perfecto. Can anyone help or advise me where I could get one.

Only ones I've seen online are charging more for delivery than cost of cutter, so trying to avoid them if poss.

Thanks.

[rokkitsci]

sigh.

Knew I should have ordered more extras...

Okay, TigerDog, old teabag, here's the offer:

Solicit amongst the UKCF BOTL's and see if there is any interest in a bulk buy (i.e., more than just the one you want) for a CC Cutter and I will source the order and send it to you (having fulfilled all legal taxation requirements, of course) for distribution on your side ----> of the pond.

Deal or no deal?


Hi All,

Still on lookout for a CC perfecto. Can anyone help or advise me where I could get one.

Only ones I've seen online are charging more for delivery than cost of cutter, so trying to avoid them if poss.

Thanks.

[G-man]

__________________
rokkitsci
http://www.ukcigarforums.com/picture.php?albumid=153&pictureid=1414 How did I know you would answer the call of duty !
If you don't get the medal for generous I will personally get my uncle Vito to take care of the situation .AKA Vito the baseball bat. LOL

[Big_T_UK]

Well I am after the "CUBAN CRAFTERS REVOLUCION CIGAR SCISSOR CUTTER FOR ALL SIZE CIGARS - 3 BLADES STAINLESS STEEL SCISSORS WITH WIDE HANDLES (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2677)$19.99", does this help make up an order?

T.

[Andy]

I would be interested in one of the perfecto cutters and take Rokkit up on his kind offer.

[El Catador]

I would be up for one of these little do-hickeys that you guys from over yonder seem to favour ..

http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2810

If the rokkit man http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/einstein3.gif is game to play 'postie' .. I say 'thanks very much indeed!'
Now . . who wants the money?

[SeanP]

Well I am after the "CUBAN CRAFTERS REVOLUCION CIGAR SCISSOR CUTTER FOR ALL SIZE CIGARS - 3 BLADES STAINLESS STEEL SCISSORS WITH WIDE HANDLES (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2677)$19.99", does this help make up an order?

T.


Now that is an interesting cutter. Looks 'Stargate' inspired :hmmmm2: Maybe it will send your cut cap into another dimension?

[tippexx]

__________________
rokkitsci
http://www.ukcigarforums.com/picture.php?albumid=153&pictureid=1414 How did I know you would answer the call of duty !


.... I will personally get my uncle Vito to take care of the situation .AKA Vito the baseball bat. LOL

If he isn't busy one day. Can he nip round to that Tommy Bahama and convince him that not shipping to the UK might mean him sharing his duvet with a horses head!

[El Catador]

Well I am after the "CUBAN CRAFTERS REVOLUCION CIGAR SCISSOR CUTTER FOR ALL SIZE CIGARS - 3 BLADES STAINLESS STEEL SCISSORS WITH WIDE HANDLES (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2677)$19.99", does this help make up an order?

T.

Hmmn, I like the look of this one too!
And, If I can't get on with it, the local Vet will take it off my hands!

[Lionhound]

sigh.

Knew I should have ordered more extras...

Okay, TigerDog, old teabag, here's the offer:

Solicit amongst the UKCF BOTL's and see if there is any interest in a bulk buy (i.e., more than just the one you want) for a CC Cutter and I will source the order and send it to you (having fulfilled all legal taxation requirements, of course) for distribution on your side ----> of the pond.

Deal or no deal?


Sounds good to me my Rocket Friend. Will pm you re. detail.

Anyone interested send me a pm and I'll liase with the Rocket if thats ok with everyone.

Would suggest we set an end date for any order to be placed. How does Friday 19th Feb sound?

[eggopp]

So is the CC perfecto cutter the bee's knee's then? :der:

[Lionhound]

So is the CC perfecto cutter the bee's knee's then? :der:


Good friend of mine (the man who actually introduced me to proper cigars as opposed to the mass produced crap I smoked before) has been smoking good cigars for 50 years. He picked one up in thhe States last year and describes it as the best he's ever had. I've used it in his company a few times and have been really impressed.
I can't answer your question for you, but for my friend whose experience I trust, it appears to be, so I'm willing to go for it too.

[senor_robusto]

hey rokkitsci,
i'd love in on this bulk buy, if and when it happens!!!!

you're a true gentleman for offering to do this again!!!!! :rock:

all the best,

alex

[Jithell]

Just one quick question before i commit, how would one go about paying for it?

[misterbulgarin]

http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2887

Are we talking one of these? If so im up for that too.

[MaledettoToscano]

So is the CC perfecto cutter the bee's knee's then? :der:

Absolutey, had one from the mass CC order in December and I am not using anything else, I love it.

[Lee Nub]

Yes i would be up for one this time around, should have gotten one in the last order George sent over but i had just purchased my Xikar.

Just let me know who , when and how much :)

[Big_T_UK]

Why get a Cuban Crafter's if you have the Xikar, any reason you do not like it?

T.

[Lee Nub]

Feels a little clumsy in my hand, and im not too keen on the locking mechanism once youve cut the cap. Dont get me wrong, its a damn nice cutter and for the price i paid it was a steal , but i do fancy one of the cuban crafters , plus i can leave one in the car as im always forgetting to pick them up

[Lionhound]

Ok Dudes & Dudettes,

Mr Rokkitsci has kindly agreed to place an order and I've agreed to play postman. Anyone genuinely interested please pm me with details of what exactly you're looking for and I'll get details to George. I'm assuming price will be dependant on what we are ordering but will get back to you with firm idea before we confirm. (if thats sounds ok to you Oh Great Rokkitski:hail::hail::hail:). Will be cost plus postage only but sure anyone who doesn't already donate to forum will feel obliged to do so for such a good deal.:cowboyic9:

As suggested before need to know by next Friday so this doesn't drag out forever. Will then contact the said overseas chap :hail::hail::hail: and ask him to give us some more accurate price ideas. Then (bloody dragging this out trying to keep you all happy):biggrin1: I'll pm you again as soon as I know and give you chance to finally commit to your order. I'll need a quick reply as to whether you're in or out, then we'll roll it.

Get your pm's going.

Disclaimer: If the Rokkitsci is not happy with any of this it may change slightly but here's hoping.

[rokkitsci]

Sounds swell to me laddies. A couple of notes...

1. Personally, I do not recommend anyone purchase the scissor cutter (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2677). Not that there's anything wrong with it, just that I found it cumbersome and not nearly as clean a cut as with the "perfect" cutter. It is, however, quite handy if you regularly smoke VERY fat cigars that do not fit comfortably into a guillotine cutter.

2. The CC "perfect" cutter comes in two flavors: more squared (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/78) and more rounded (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/2887). They both work equally well, the difference being the overall feel of the cutter and the look you prefer. My taste runs to the more squared one. YMMV.

3. Payment. Everyone always wants to know how much to pay to whom. Very noble of you, blokes. However, if you'll just hold off on asking for a while until it's all sorted, I assure you YOU WILL PAY! First off, let's find out how many of what we want. Then, I will see if I can work my majik one more time to get us our Rokkit Scientist's Overseas Depraved... err... I mean, Deprived Limey Chaps Sympathy discount from my friend at Cuban Crafters. I will pay for the order out of me own forlorn pitiful banque account, receive the goodies, and forward them onto tigerdog. Once across the puddle, he will then sort the individual orders at that end and arrange delivery by bicycle, ornithopter, carrier pigeon, or whatever means leopardmutt deems appropriate. When he has dispatched your treasure, he will then know how much it will have costed him for delivery and can add that to the costing for merchandise, plus some portion of the costation for getting it across the waters in the first place. Notice how cleverly my scientifical mind has schemed to have pumapooch do all the maths, what with keeping track of the orders, figuring percentages of overseas shipment cost, and doing the conversions from US of byghodz A real money to Brit Pounds Stirling Moss of the Realm and back. Woo hoo! Sometimes I even amaze myself with how devilishly shrewd (and not to forget handsome, as well) I am. So, where were we? Oh, yes! Pantherpooch will tell each of you exactly how much you should remit to him using whatever barbaric means of exchange you chaps decide upon. Entirely your choice: beads, wife-swapping, goats, gold ingots... doesn't matter to me. When he has accumulated all the outstanding debts, he can then pocket the extravagant overcharge he has undoubtedly passed along to you, whilst PayPal-ing me only the cost of the (discounted) merchandise and shipping. There. All clear now? Any questions? If so, please direct them to my liaison and partner in crime, jaguarcur.

This has been a community service announcement by Rokkit Scientists United Ltd., Inc., GmbH. who notes marginally that this order need not necessarily be limited only to cutters, if you get my meaning, if you catch my drift. Although it is not permissible to mention other potential products which may be incorporated into this purchase, if you use your imaginations, you might think of other "stuff" that you may want to order (NOTE TO HMS CUSTOMES: I refer, of course to "stuff" like ashtrays and lighters and suchlike. Far be it for me to even suggest the procurement of contraband, illegal, immoral, unpatriotic items the importation of which should bear the penalty of being KILLED TO DEATH!).

We now return you to your regular UKCF, already in progress.



Ok Dudes & Dudettes,

Mr Rokkitsci has kindly agreed to place an order and I've agreed to play postman. Anyone genuinely interested please pm me with details of what exactly you're looking for and I'll get details to George. I'm assuming price will be dependant on what we are ordering but will get back to you with firm idea before we confirm. (if thats sounds ok to you Oh Great Rokkitski). Will be cost plus postage only but sure anyone who doesn't already donate to forum will feel obliged to do so for such a good deal.

As suggested before need to know by next Friday so this doesn't drag out forever. Will then contact the said overseas chap and ask him to give us some more accurate price ideas. Then (bloody dragging this out trying to keep you all happy) I'll pm you again as soon as I know and give you chance to finally commit to your order. I'll need a quick reply as to whether you're in or out, then we'll roll it.

Get your pm's going.

Disclaimer: If the Rokkitsci is not happy with any of this it may change slightly but here's hoping.

[misterbulgarin]

I'd like one of them square ones. I'm 100% in!

[G-man]

As suggested before need to know by next Friday so this doesn't drag out forever. Will then contact the said overseas chap and ask him to give us some more accurate price ideas. Then (bloody dragging this out trying to keep you all happy) I'll pm you again as soon as I know and give you chance to finally commit to your order. I'll need a quick reply as to whether you're in or out, then we'll roll it.

Get your pm's going.

Disclaimer: If the Rokkitsci is not happy with any of this it may change slightly but here's hoping !

George is a brother that helps and gives in many way so get off your duffs and let him move foward with this so he can resume his everyday life!

[Lionhound]

Echo that 100%.

So far have only had 2 pm's. Should get some time tonight and will get in touch with all of you who have posted interest in the offer on this thread to confirm what your wanting. Please confirm when you get the message ( a simple yes/no or in/out will suffice). At 6.00pm UK time Friday 19th Feb 2010 offer closes and I'll send details to Rokkitsci. (ie if you're TOO LATE tough) I'll then be back in touch to get any address details I'm missing and give you payment details.

The man is doing us a big favour in his time, I don't intend to F*** him about so GET IN TOUCH.

Thanks guys.

Rab

[G-man]

Tic toc Tic Toc !
Times a running out !





Echo that 100%.

So far have only had 2 pm's. Should get some time tonight and will get in touch with all of you who have posted interest in the offer on this thread to confirm what your wanting. Please confirm when you get the message ( a simple yes/no or in/out will suffice). At 6.00pm UK time Friday 19th Feb 2010 offer closes and I'll send details to Rokkitsci. (ie if you're TOO LATE tough) I'll then be back in touch to get any address details I'm missing and give you payment details.

The man is doing us a big favour in his time, I don't intend to F*** him about so GET IN TOUCH.

Thanks guys.

Rab

[PoohBore]

Can you put me down for one as well.

[Lionhound]

Can you put me down for one as well.

No problem once I know what you want and who and where I send it to when it arrives.

To be clear, reasons I've asked for pm to be sent are:
a) CC do a variety of cutters, punches, scissors etc. (you decide which you want, I add it to order.
b) It's easier for me to keep track of rather than searching all posts in thread.
C) I hopefully get a name and address to post out to and to get payment from.

I'm not trying to be difficult here. If this makes it easier for me, I get correct order to Rokkitsci, he sends it to me and I get it out to you quicker. Therefore everybody happy.

Thats the theory so send pm with your requirements and we're on.

Simples.

[Lionhound]

Can you put me down for one as well.

Cheers mate. Pm now received & reply sent.
Your order's in.

[Andy]

i am definitely in for this. I have however sent you a question in a pm. Your answer will determine my order. Cheers Andy

[senor_robusto]

same here, i've PM'd you a couple of questions!!!! your answer kinda determines my order........

also, before it's final, does anyone recommend the rounded or squared cutter? i've kinda opted for the rounded one, but the rokkitman said he preferred the squared one...........he reckoned it felt more comfortable to him than the rounded one, so now i'm not so sure!!!!

HELP!!!!! lol

all the best,

alex:41:

[Lionhound]

Alex & Andy,
Sorry guys, pm's now sent. Hope they answer all your questions.
As regards the round v square issue, had same problem myself as prefer look of round. Found the easy answer though.......ordering one of each. :biggrin1:
Get back to me asap guys.
All the best.

Rab

[rokkitsci]

From the Humidor and Cigar Accesssories thread:


Last chance to get in if you want. See thread under wanted (under which this is being read, actually) for general idea.

OFFER ENDS TOMORROW (FRIDAY) AT 6.00PM (UK)

If you still want in pm me your order before then.
All the best everyone.:smoke::smoke:

KISS. A good rule to live by.

Thusly, I am changing the rules somewhat to make life easier for all of us.

Continue to PM CatDog that which you desire from Cuban Crafters. Be sure to peruse all they offer (http://www.cubancrafters.com/index.php), as some of their merchandise is quite interesting and very reasonably priced. The FelineCanine will then aggregate the various and sundry requests, along with the identification information of who the hell you are and where you live, and convey said information to my devilishly handsome selves. I will then procure everything all y'all folks have ordered and direct ship to you instead of using the chimera fellow as a distribution point. This method worked well with our first order, so why reinvent the zircon encrusted navel lint picker as it were?

Browse, browse, browse! Tempus is fugiting! Break yer kid's piggy bank and indulge! Live a little, be a gypsy, get around...

[El Catador]

I will then procure everything all y'all folks have ordered and direct ship to you.


http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/panneaux/daniel-doigt05.gif . . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/panneaux/anubis-pancarte01.gif!!! . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/galactica/adama/adamaanime003.gif . . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/panneaux/prior-pancarte04.gif . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/galactica/cylon/cylon-pancarte06.gif . . Amen!

[rokkitsci]

http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/panneaux/daniel-doigt05.gif . . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/panneaux/anubis-pancarte01.gif!!! . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/galactica/adama/adamaanime003.gif . . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/panneaux/prior-pancarte04.gif . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/galactica/cylon/cylon-pancarte06.gif . . Amen!

Where the hell are these ghodzforsaken smilies coming from??

[El Catador]

Where the hell are these ghodzforsaken smilies coming from??

Mostly from another dimension . . http://www.thescifiworld.net/img/smilies/stargate/tealc/vortex05.gif . . but some can be found hiding here:
. . http://www.mysmiley.net/free-animated-smileys.php . .

[Lionhound]

From the Humidor and Cigar Accesssories thread:



KISS. A good rule to live by.

Thusly, I am changing the rules somewhat to make life easier for all of us.

Continue to PM CatDog that which you desire from Cuban Crafters. Be sure to peruse all they offer (http://www.cubancrafters.com/index.php), as some of their merchandise is quite interesting and very reasonably priced. The FelineCanine will then aggregate the various and sundry requests, along with the identification information of who the hell you are and where you live, and convey said information to my devilishly handsome selves. I will then procure everything all y'all folks have ordered and direct ship to you instead of using the chimera fellow as a distribution point. This method worked well with our first order, so why reinvent the zircon encrusted navel lint picker as it were?

Browse, browse, browse! Tempus is fugiting! Break yer kid's piggy bank and indulge! Live a little, be a gypsy, get around...


:jaw::hurt: I wanna do it:biggrin1:.Kidding (can't say I didn't offer though):peace:

No problemo Rockster top man as ever :first:.
If you're sure thats ok with you, it certainly makes it easier for me. Even more so as had wee hitch yesterday when knee decided not to do the fronty backy hingey thing but have a go at the sidey hingey thingy resulting in me in heap at bottom of stairs before a trip to the nice old UK NHS "enjoy your prolonged wait I'm on my break at the same time as everyone else) Casualty Department.:crutch:(sorry anyone at NHS realise your kept overworked, but everyone allowed a rant now and again)

Aaaaanyway, Back to the bloody subject, thanks again George for all your hard work:rock:, I'm sure I'm speaking for all of us here Limeys when I say its much appreciated. If I can be any more help let me know.

Be in touch later on today.

All the best. Stay cool man.:cool:

FeckinannoyinscratchyrubbylegthingMansbestfriend

[Lee Nub]

Mate i feel your pain, my Knee went back the wrong way when i was 16 after tripping and landing on a small wall with it. Shattered my Knee cap and i was in plaster for 12 months :(


Hope its not too serious bud, and thanks again to you and George for doing this :hail:

[El Catador]

Hmnn, I wonder how 'The Rokkit Man' will circumvent those 'vamints' in the Post Office this time . . ?
http://www.millan.net/anims/giffar/giffar2/rocketsam.gif Ye haw! . . Ride 'em, Rokkit .. ride 'em . .

[crslaytor]

Khhhhhhh I have ordered it a month ago from ebay :smile:
21quid for the cutter, 25 for delivery and 21 for taxes and vat.
all together 67! I really hope that is going to be the last cutter I ever buy LOL :biggrin1:

So far it is really amazing and astonishing!!
http://crasho.co.uk/IMG_0509%20(Large).jpg
http://crasho.co.uk/IMG_0502%20(Large).jpg
http://crasho.co.uk/IMG_0515%20(Large).jpg
http://crasho.co.uk/IMG_0513%20(Large).jpg

[G-man]

:crutch:http://www.millan.net/anims/giffar/giffar2/rocketsam.gif Ye haw
You poor sod. If theres anything I can do just send a note.

[senor_robusto]

holy cow, £67 for a cutter? that's insane given that they are, like $15 (£10) in the US!!!! how come the tax was so heavy on it? and i can't understand why the shipping was so expensive!!!!!

best of luck with it mate...........and look after it!!!!! lol

all the best,

alex:849:

[tippexx]

[QUOTE=rokkitsci;67879]

Be sure to peruse all they offer (http://www.cubancrafters.com/index.php), as some of their merchandise is quite interesting....


they have some tastey female sales assistants then Rok .... Do they, do they?

[rokkitsci]

Khhhhhhh I have ordered it a month ago from ebay
21quid for the cutter, 25 for delivery and 21 for taxes and vat.
all together 67! I really hope that is going to be the last cutter I ever buy LOL

So far it is really amazing and astonishing!!

OMG! So sorry, Can't Remember Shite Laytor. If only you'd waited a nonce (p'raps even a nonce-and-a-half) you'd have been able to get in on the CC extravaganza and saved a considerable amount of Stirling Moss Pounds of the Realm. I'm guesstimating about 10-12 quid for the selfsame product.

If it's any consolation, it will be the last cutter you'll ever need to buy. Damn thing seems to self-sharpen (mine is going on 3 years and will still shave a hair off a fleas arse) and has a lifetime guarantee.

[tippexx]

If it's any consolation, it will be the last cutter you'll ever need to buy. Damn thing seems to self-sharpen (mine is going on 3 years and will still shave a hair off a fleas arse) and has a lifetime guarantee.

I agree. Mine's great. But what Cuban Creafters really need is something more pocket sized for someone who's rarely out of jeans. Mind you, the give-away ones are OK for 'outs' an' pubs .... for further afield, they'd never let us on planes with one anyway!

[rokkitsci]

Okay, lads, the order is in and should be shipped (to me) today, Wednesday, 24th February (I have no idea what day you are celebrating over there ----> on your side of the pond; it may be St. Swithin's Day for all I know).

You have no idea how much work it has been to get in touch with my contact. I've called and left voicemails, I've emailed dozens of times. No reply. In desperation, I faxed this directly to the office in Miami.



Attention Cuban Crafters People


I am offering a bag of "Reverend George's Georky" (ask Alberto how good this is!) to anyone who can make Alberto Nogeura call me, rokkitsci, at 555-555-5555. He does not answer email or reply to voicemail messages, so you will have to knock him down, sit on him, dial his cell phone, and hold it up to his ear. I know how big and strong he is but I promise you the bag of Georky will be worth it!
==============================================



Atención Cuban Crafters Popular

Estoy ofreciendo una bolsa de "Georky Reverendo Jorje" (preguntar Alberto lo bueno que es!) A cualquier persona que puede hacer Alberto Nogeura me llaman, el rokkitsci, al 555-555-5555. No responda a correos electrónicos o responder a mensajes de voz, así que tendrá que derribarlo, se sientan en él, marcar su teléfono celular, y la mantienen hasta la oreja. Sé cuán grande y fuerte que es, pero te prometo que la bolsa de Georky valdrá la pena!

and it worked! The receptionist, Consuela, took on 300+ pound, 6 feet 4 inches of my big Latino friend and got him to call me. This is Conseula:


http://www.ukcigarforums.com/picture.php?albumid=153&pictureid=1694


As soon as I receive the "goodies" I will sort it all out and ship them off to you. Will PM when done.

BTW, while I was talking to my friend, he informed me that there is a new Perfect Cutter. In Black (http://www.cubancrafters.com/products.php/item_id/5013). I took the liberty of ordering two (they're a tad more expensive than the silver round or square), with the intention of keeping one and having a spare in case one of you would like it. PM me if interested.

Ta...

[tippexx]

Conseula sounds a handy gal to know. Not sure I'd be happy to meet her dentist though!

[Big_T_UK]

PM for black cutter sent.

[rokkitsci]

First, the GOOD NEWS: CC shipment arrived Friday, took almost half of Saturday and a couple hours Sunday to get it all sorted and packaged and is ready to be shipped (on Monday).

The Bad News...

Most of you are undoubtedly aware of my "situation" with the United States of byghodz America Postage Servix. If not, you can read all about it beginning with Nicwing's post here (http://www.ukcigarforums.com/showpost.php?p=38269&postcount=31), then continuing in the Boli split thread here (http://www.ukcigarforums.com/showpost.php?p=50363&postcount=74), then in a thread which had unfortunately been deleted on accounta it contained Super Sekrit classified inflammation, but which, thanks to the miracle of the internet, was preserved in a google archive and which I was able to resurrect for your delight and entertainment here. (http://www.ukcigarforums.com/showthread.php?p=63829#post63829) Then we have the Stick-A-Stick exchange with crslator here (http://www.ukcigarforums.com/showpost.php?p=65484&postcount=56). The tale continues with the Cuban Crafters cutter bulk buy, here (http://www.ukcigarforums.com/showpost.php?p=70045&postcount=48).

The gist of these tales of woe being that I am Personna Non Grata with the drones who operate the more traditional way of shipping parcels overseas, thus I am forced to find more creative methods.

I had been wracking my newly-transplanted brain (third try) to devise a solution when the most fortuitous occurrence occured, providing me with a truly ingenious method of transport.

You may or may not have heard about the recent tragedy here in Orlando's Seaworld wherein a killer whale killed one of the trainers. Welp, one man's meat is another man's poison as they say. Or, one man's ceiling is another man's floor. Or, one man's groat clusters are another man's goat custards. A tenny rate, the upshot of this mishap being that Seaworld has decided to release all of its killer whales back into the wild.

So, how does this affect you and me? Well, you may ask. Read on and all shall be revealed.

Fortunately, I happen to have an old, used ice-cream truck that I use to peddle drugz to schoolchildren. A quick trip to the shop and a rather nifty (even if I do say so myself) paint job later, I was off to Seaworld.

Pulling up to the delivery entrance, I was stopped by the gate guard who amicably asked me "What the fuck you want, asshole?"

I pointed to the lettering on the truck panel: "Omar's Frozen Penguins," explaining to the guard that I was delivering the whales their favo(u)rite treat before they embarked upon their long journeys, donated on behalf of a reclusive millionaire PETA member.

My story being beyond reproach, the friendly gate guard waved me on with a congenial "Who the fuck cares, anyhow?" and I was in! It was the matter of only a nonce (well, actually, closer to 3 or 4 nonces) for me to attach my many condom-covered packets (to ensure waterproofing, y'know) to the dorsal fins of the killer whales. I stayed around long enough to watch the release to assure that your goodies were, indeed, on their way.

"Yes, but... how the hell does attaching my stuff to a killer whale get it from bloody America to me here in Inglelande?" you may well ask. And that is the truly wonderful part! For if you research the migratory path of killer whales, you can't help but note that their route takes them from sunny Florida, up along the eastern seaboard, past Newfoundland, then to Greenland and points beyond. One of those points being within a mere 357.26 miles from the coast of none other than your fair, little isle itself!

So's I figger alls you lads need to do is to jump into your rowboats or kayaks or whatever, paddle out to sea a bit making sure to take along your fishing nets, and just wait for the pod to come swimming by! As the big fishies approach, you just scoop them up in your net and remove the packet by activating the NASA Sooper-Sekrit Kwik Release High Explosive Separation Unit and Combination Tank Destroyer you'll find on the caribiner on the fin. Each of the packets have been marked with the owner's name writ with butter in big, bold letters on the protective condom using a 128-bit, hardened encryption, so it should be relatively easy to identify whoses is whoses by applying fresh stinkfruit juice to the condom to reveal the letters, then just copying them and decrypting the identity of the owner using any standard computer capable of 1.73 teraflops per second.

Simple, innit?

Oh! And should you happen to snatch up someone else's packet, no problemo: just keep on fishing!

Now the migratory period has already started, so I suggest you laddies grab your nets, oars, and a few pints and head out immediately.

Good fishing!

[rokkitsci]

First, the GOOD NEWS: CC shipment arrived Friday, took almost half of Saturday and a couple hours Sunday to get it all sorted and packaged and is ready to be shipped (on Monday).

The Bad News...

Most of you are undoubtedly aware of my "situation" with the United States of byghodz America Postage Servix...


Welp, I get all this mess sorted out and on its way across the puddle and notify all the cute, little BOTL's who joined in the game and I gets this PM from Lionhound




George, what can I say? Absolute genius on your part once again.

What is it with these post office type folk? They obviously live in cloud cuckoo land if they cannot see the simple solutions that are available to anyone with a bit of common sense, and that would cost a fraction of the exhorbitant charges they levy.

I mean killer whales, what could be simpler.(I really despair of some of the people throughout the world who we allow to manage these large business concerns).

On my part, I've already started my preparations.

Been out to the garage and checked the coracle. Needs a good rub down with a couple of coats of Albatross fat, as its not been used yet this season, then its good to go. (you couldn't give me a contact for Omar the frozen penguin guy could you, NukNuk, my albatross fat guy was sadly eaten by a polar bear last week, ironically while he took a break to sit down and read of the terrible story of the lady killed by the orca).

Anyway, just the orca net to check though I'm sure it was patched up properly after last years unfortunate giant red sea urchin disaster. Used the tried and tested (2 sharp hits with a 14lb sledgehammer) humane despatch method. How the fuck was I to know what a WW2 shipping mine looked like? However, like I said I'm sure its well patched up now as the wife had nothing much to do other than visit the hospital for that 9 months anyway.

So, the plan. River Clyde is about half a mile away from me so will nip down tomorrow and make a start on breaking the ice. Should have enough done to get away by 14th then a short paddle through the sewage etc should take me to the open seas beyond Glasgow by mid April. A short but treacherous journey through the shipping lanes later and I should be at the fishing grounds by mid July allowing me some time to set up my gear.

I'm reckoning on the consignment passing by between 27th July and 18th August roughly, so on arrival at the spot my first job will be to erect the spotting platform. To this and I have packed a large step ladder and my "lazyboy" recliner. I will affix the steps to the bottom of the coracle with some blutack (for sticking and cushioning) and heavy duty duck tape (sticking and waterproofing). Not so daft, eh eh eh.

Next I'll attach the lazyboy to the top and sit back and wait. During this time I will affix the "super top seekritt orca attraction pods" to my net. These are as I've said "super top seekritt" but as this is a pm can tell you in confidence that each pod (I'm using 23 of them strategically placed) consists of a can of sardine fillets which has been pierced twice with a no.3 philips screwdriver and attached to the net by means of a velcro tab. The hole size and the quantity used will, I calculate, produce a GOATSHIT (guaranteed orca attraction to sardines hidden in tin) time of approximately 17days 21 hours 13 minutes and 6 seconds or thereby.

What I need to know is the order of release so I know which one I'm going for, after all don't want to waste time catching the wrong one do I.(Oops cancel that, just seen Lee's order. Why don't you tell me when it was released too......Just so I can check its ok of course) On contact I recon I'm going to have to play this little varmint to tire him out a bit before hauling him in and removing my package, so in order that I don't get dragged too far I have devised a cunning plan.

I went down to B&Q today and purchased a flat packed 12' x 8' garden shed, 100yds of nylon rope, 8 x 25kg bags of sand and 47 x 25l empty plastic drums. Idea is net whale, quickly erect shed, tie shed to net, fill shed with bags of sand and plastic drums then throw over the side. Having watched numerous reruns of "Jaws", I calculated that the slippery son of a whore should be totally fucked after approximately 46 minutes at which time I will haul himin, remove the package, revive him, feed him the contents of the "super top seekritt orca attraction pods" for his help, and then paddle off home. I reckon that I will be enjoying my purchases, seated in front of the fire, by mid January 2011.

So fuck you and your, ridiculous prices for a simple task, mr postal service persons.

Cheers

Rab :smoke: :smoke: :smoke:


Where in the world do you people come up with this stuff? Hilarious!

Of course, I've no idea WTF he's talking about, but it sure is a good read, eh? What an imagination!

[El Catador]

Bygodz!

You two are are so alike, I can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins!!!

Top Post Lion dog!
http://www.millan.net/anims/giffar/giffar2/swimteam.gif

[skins]

I guess I'm too late for some CC-24PERFECTO cutter action?

I don't think I can PM yet, if there is a spare one floating around.

[senor_robusto]

hey skins,
sorry pal, i think you are too late for this one!!!! the order was placed a couple of weeks ago and i reckon most of us have recieved our orders now!!! keep checking here and once you've reached the stage you can pm, who knows? someone may sort you out with one!!!

in the meantime, keep checking www.amazon.co.uk and ebay for a decent xikar (i got mine from ebay for £12, i put someone here onto one on amazon, £15)!!!!

hope this helps,

alex:849:

[Lionhound]

So, there I am, 247miles west of Glasgow, gently bobbing about in the Atlantic, quietly dosing in the Lazeeboy Crows nest thingy, when suddenly I become aware that all is not well.:frown: The wind appears to have picked up considerably and is chilling my face from an easterly direction. Immediately, (due to my Supersensitive Hidden Intuition To Being Aware Gradually- SHITBAG- training) I realise what has happened. The bite has arrived:dance::fish2: (http://www.mysmiley.net/freesmiley.php?smiley=happy/happy0192.gif). Gerremoff... no Gerbil-fluff... no..er.. oops, got it now. Geronimo, off we go.
Feeling the tension and suspense yet???

The sly, though intelligent and (so I'm informed) devilishly handsome, devil George, has proved his Genius once again. He has obviously carefully selected a Glasgow born "Homing Orca" who is bound straight for the Clyde spurred on by the intoxicating aroma of deep fried battered pizza and mars bars emanating from Luigi's authentic Italian Glasgow Chippie on the quaint shores of Finnieston next to the crane.
By now the old coracle is tearing along at a fair lick and, too late, I begin to understand George's doubts regarding that rogue Omar the Frozen Penguin Trader who supplied me with my Albatross fat. Only bloody watered it down with Ostrich oil, which as we all know has nowhere near the cold resistance or water repellence of the real thing. I desperately need to slow this orca down if my poor wee coracle is to survive the journey, so as a man with a plan I begin my preparations. Quickly I unpack the old flat packed B&Q shed and begin to swiftly assemble it. Well f**k me! Surprise surprise, a flat packed shed with bits missing? Surely not you say. Well you know Shit about flat pack sheds, I say. Nuts but no bolts, half a roof and no bloody floor. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. In desperation I attach the rope to the plastic drums and throw them over but to little avail. The smell of Deep fried food and curry is getting strong enough now that even at approx 127 miles 17yards out I'm beginning to detect it myself and its whipping old orca into a frenzy.
By now there is a faint smell of burning as the friction starts to cause the walrus and mammoth skin of the coracle to begin seriously overheating and bits are now starting to loosen and drop off.....Whoops, bloody mammoth tusk just missed me and that walrus penis was fairly shifting as it went. Inspiration hits (but just a glancing blow). Using my Building Raft Equipment and Skiing Tools Requiring Use By BOTL’s in Nautical Glitches (BREASTRUBBING) training I quickly attach a couple of the failed shed planks to the base of the Lazeeboy and jump on. Not a cotton-picking moment too soon. My trusty coracle disintegrates below me with a groan as if it were alive (always wondered about defrosting that mammoth)- Already have plans for the skin on my new one- if only I can get hold of bloody Omar!!! :mad2:
Aaaaanyway, now rapidly approaching Arran and soon the Clyde. No sign of slowing up so obviously the smell from Wee Luigi’s is overpowering that of Nardinis at Largs on the coast, which I had assumed, would be our destination. We hit the sewage in the Clyde just west of Bowling. Anyone who has told you that it is easier to cope with the smell of SHIT by breathing through your mouth has never water-skied through sewage on a lazeeboy at 40mph!!!!! :puke:
Finally we are nearing Finnieston. I hit on yet another cunning plan and phone ahead to Luigi’s. Three bends in the river later and at last we slow up, I can see the two battered pizzas floating temptingly ahead still steaming ( a bit like the sewage but in a more appealing way). The lazeeboy begins to sink as we lose way, sadly still too deep for my stout fishing wellies, but undaunted I kick them off and with my trusty Stanley knife between my teeth swim towards the whale's fin where I see the telltale bulge of my eagerly awaited booty.
Somewhat surprisingly after such a long and speedy journey the pizzas seem to have revived the slippery old bugger and he becomes a bit stroppy but he reckons without my carrying my top secret BRA (blowhole restricting apparatus). I quickly (and I may say fearlessly) pop the aforementioned sandwich bag over his hole……..(no you mingers, the one at the back of his head) and he is soon subdued enough for me to retrieve my prize. This I do before removing my BRA from his hole, though sadly not before I find out the hard way that there seems to be some merit in these stories of autoerotic asphyxiation. :sorry: (http://www.mysmiley.net/freesmiley.php?smiley=adult/sperm.gif) Anyway, I finally outswam those little whale semen buggers and headed home with my prized CC Cutters etc.

Simples.

Big thank you once again Rokkitsci for your help and for the wee bonus inclusion.
Will post some pics when I work out how.

[rokkitsci]

So, there I am, 247miles west of Glasgow, gently bobbing about in the Atlantic...

What a harrowing tale! Must admit I got just a wee overexcited at the bit about waterskiing in the LazyBoy and may have wet my nappy just a tad. I had no idea I would be submitting you to such an ordeal. Seemed to me that alls you had to do was to paddle out with your herring net and snag your wee fishie. No freakin' idea they were actually that big. Guess I'll have to have my lens prescription adjusted.

But glad all turned out well. I imagine you might even have a whale tale you can pass along to your grandkids some day.

[El Catador]

This years nominations for funiest line in a UKCF post are . .


Anyone who has told you that it is easier to cope with the smell of SHIT by breathing through your mouth has never water-skied through sewage on a lazeeboy at 40mph!!!!!

Shit, I don't even want to tell you what I had to go through to get mine . .

http://www.millan.net/anims/giffar/fishman.gif

Cheers rokkit!

[jdawg]

good stuff there!

Now, I think all three of you are related. :smile:

[misterbulgarin]

Neat cutter! Look foward to using it on more sticks

[skins]

hey skins,
sorry pal, i think you are too late for this one!!!! the order was placed a couple of weeks ago and i reckon most of us have recieved our orders now!!! keep checking here and once you've reached the stage you can pm, who knows? someone may sort you out with one!!!

in the meantime, keep checking www.amazon.co.uk (http://www.amazon.co.uk) and ebay for a decent xikar (i got mine from ebay for £12, i put someone here onto one on amazon, £15)!!!!

hope this helps,

alex:849:


Thanks. I have got a nice cutter - the Angelo 66 RG - but just wanted another to make it easier to cut the right amount. Also a lot of my cuts are at a slight angle.

As an aside, I'd be interested to know how the "self-sharpening" blades work. Sounds like BS to me, especially as a guy earlier in this thread has a blunt one. Maybe they meant self-blunting?

Cynical? Moi? :biggrin1:

[tippexx]

As an aside, I'd be interested to know how the "self-sharpening" blades work. Sounds like BS to me, especially as a guy earlier in this thread has a blunt one. Maybe they meant self-blunting?

Cynical? Moi? :biggrin1:

Nope! The CC cutter is brilliant. You'ld have to wrest it from my cold, dead hand.

[rokkitsci]

Skins, old skeptic, when you have finally achieved the requisite number of posties to join the PM-abled Elite, PM me and we'll see what we can do for you.


Thanks. I have got a nice cutter - the Angelo 66 RG - but just wanted another to make it easier to cut the right amount. Also a lot of my cuts are at a slight angle.

As an aside, I'd be interested to know how the "self-sharpening" blades work. Sounds like BS to me, especially as a guy earlier in this thread has a blunt one. Maybe they meant self-blunting?

Cynical? Moi? :biggrin1:

[Lionhound]

Skins, old skeptic, when you have finally achieved the requisite number of posties to join the PM-abled Elite, PM me and we'll see what we can do for you.

"Once more into the breech" as the saying goes Rokkitsci my friend.

Is there no end to this man's generosity &willingness to put his life on hold to help us poor downtrodden Islanders in our times of need and to help further the enjoyment of our humble passtime.
Verily Gentlemen I give unto you the great (and devilishly handsome) Rokkitsci, a true BOTL.

[skins]

How many posts do I need?

[skins]

Ah, I see it's 15. How convenient!

[Lionhound]

Think you'll find its 25 Skins, my friend.

[Big_T_UK]

Has everybody who had them coming from Rokkitsci received the Cuban Crafters stuff they ordered? I have not had my two cutters arrive and with the current performance of the Royal Mail, or lack there of, I am getting nervous. Anybody else still waiting? I know Rokkitsci kindly shipped a couple of weeks ago....

T.

[Lee Nub]

I'm still waiting on mine T

[Big_T_UK]

Oh that is reassuring, thanks Lee.

T.

[Jithell]

Got mine on tuesday :smile:

[Lionhound]

Yeah Guys, mine arrived Tuesday too as did a few others I know of.
Keep us posted.

[Big_T_UK]

OK, back to being worried.

T.

[Lee Nub]

Yup me too as mine contained a box of cigars. Damn UK postal system

[Lee Nub]

If this goes missing, that's 4 cigar parcels from botls that have vanished for me, I bet they are smoking away at that sorting office

[G-man]

If this goes missing, that's 4 cigar parcels from botls that have vanished for me, I bet they are smoking away at that sorting office

Dear god of blue gray smoke,let all those who seek passage across the pond find their way safely. Let the lites of the motherland guide them to the shores of the UK. And let not the the sorting office posties play tit for TATs with my brther lee's tubes or let brother Ts babies see the fowl breath of those over paid under worked bastards. And most of all don't let our enjoyment be delivered to the pits of hell !:hail::hail::hail::849::hail::hail::hail:
Herf

[Lee Nub]

My cutter and cigars came in today, I won't say what they are here, I will make a new arrival thread, I will thank george there too :)

[Lionhound]

Phew. Glad to hear you got them at last Lee. Was going to post and ask as its a week now since mine arrived.
G-mans prayer must have done the biz.
Any word on yours Big T?

[Big_T_UK]

No, sweet nothing!!

[Big_T_UK]

Turned up today, thanks Rokkit!!!!

I see why he prefers the square cutter to the rounded one. I received one of each (the rounded one in the new black version). The rounded one appears to be mainly aluminium, the square is all steel. The rounded one feels so light and almost like plastic in comparison. Still a great cutter but has not "feel" to it.

Thanks!!!

T.

[Lionhound]

Turned up today, thanks Rokkit!!!!

I see why he prefers the square cutter to the rounded one. I received one of each (the rounded one in the new black version). The rounded one appears to be mainly aluminium, the square is all steel. The rounded one feels so light and almost like plastic in comparison. Still a great cutter but has not "feel" to it.

Thanks!!!

T.

Glad everything turned up at last T,.......but holy crap..........3.27am..........you must have frightened the absolute shit out of your postie to get that kind of service man.:biggrin1::biggrin1:

By the way, re the cutters, I ordered the rounded one in the "original" flavour and can tell you that its definitely all steel. You know when your using it. Not one of these namby pamby lightweight "ooh isn't yours lovely and slim and dainty" ladyboy type cutters. The CC is a MAN'S cutter.
:cowboyic9::cowboyic9::cowboyic9:

[tippexx]

Not one of these namby pamby lightweight "ooh isn't yours lovely and slim and dainty" ladyboy type cutters. The CC is a MAN'S cutter.
:cowboyic9::cowboyic9::cowboyic9:

That's what I want to fit a Levis front pocket ..... but with Samuri blades!