Great Quotes

[Simon-JG-hr]

Okay then, we have the jokes thread. Now let's have a quotes thread!

I love quotes, I have them listed everywhere - though I rarely use them (for fear of coming across clichéd...)

But, here's one that just made me remember the joy of a good quote:


Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in an attractive well preserved body; rather to skid into the casket sideways, body thoroughly worn out, covered in scars and screaming: “Yahoo! What a ride!”


Not sure who the above was, but I'd like to claim credit for the following, which I came up with for my signature on these forums:


A man should always have an even number of vices, that way they cancel each other out.


Please add plenty of your own - Churchill and Mark Twain being perennial favourites.

[Soulmanure]

Nice ones. Here's my favorite:

Thank God I'm an Atheist!
-Luis Bunuel

[kingcohiba]

I'm a big fan of Charles Barkley...this is one of his many funny quotes!

"Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while."

[Pandyboy]

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

Always funny!

[Maxi-J]

'Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence'

American essayist and thinker, H.L. Mencken.

[Big J]

"If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!"

Mark Twain

[Gordonbcb]

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"

Abraham Lincoln

[Robusto]

The internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other, creating stuff. Instead they sit at home and make their own records, which is sometimes OK but it doesn’t bode well for long-term artistic vision. It’s just a means to an end. We’re talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that’s not going to happen with people blogging on the internet. I mean, get out there, communicate. Hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet. Let’s get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging. I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span. There’s too much technology available. I’m sure, as far as music goes, it would be much more interesting than it is today.

Elton John, blaming the internet for destroying good music






You can call me a fat, balding, talentless old queen who can't sing — but you can't tell lies about me

Elton John after winning a libel case against The Sun which had falsely accused him of having underage sex with rent boys.



http://www.poolparty.com/photos/uncategorized/elton_john.jpg

[Stevieboy]

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"

Abraham Lincoln

Hahaha. That's brilliant. Very clever

[El Catador]

"You’re all clear, kid! ..Now let’s blow this thing and go home!"

Han Solo - Star Wars (the first one - confusing titled Episode 4) 1977

[tippexx]

The ability to quote is a servicable substitute for wit.
W. Somerset Maugham

A witty saying proves nothing.
Voltaire


Very pragmatic that French bloke. Think I might have liked him!

[Boss Hog]

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom" - William Blake


This is quite relevant to me given the large number of things I have excessed with in my life.

[Boss Hog]

"You’re all clear, kid! ..Now let’s blow this thing and go home!"

Han Solo - Star Wars (the first one - confusing titled Episode 4) 1977


You sure that's not from "Debbie does Dallas"?

[Leojvs]

This quote hit me really hard when I first read it many years ago.

"Three things that never come back, the spent arrow, the spoken word, the lost opportunity." W.G.P

[Gordonbcb]

Hahaha. That's brilliant. Very clever

Yeh, I always liked that one. It always used to come to mind when I was sent to Birmingham on work training courses. There was always some loud mouth that thought he was so clever but usually dispelled that myth first time he opened his gob.

I also like.......

"To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge"
Benjamin Disraeli.

I wish one of the guys that works for me would take it on board.

Jeez, I must sound like a right grumpy old git today :mad:

[Lee Nub]

Hahahahahahahahaha

[celsis]

Lady Astor to Churchill, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee."
Churchill, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

Oscar Wilde was on his deathbed and his doctor knocked over the oil lamp and set fire to the curtains. Wilde's last words were "Flames? Surely not already!"

And of course, "A woman is but a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke!"

[Cigar-aficionado]

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other." -
-- Reinhold Niebuhr

[monkey66]

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

Much misquoted and generally accredited to Edmund Burke but for me the best reminder of why we all have a responsibility to try to do the right thing where possible.

[ctrl]

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
Groucho Marx

[tippexx]

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
Verbal Kint. The Usual Suspects

[ctrl]

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
Verbal Kint. The Usual Suspects


actually a quote from a french poet Baudelaire in 1864 ;)

[tippexx]

Which makes it even better then ..... adds a sort of philosophic Gallic tone. Not unlike the Corsican one beneath my name.

[Lee Nub]

"The only way is up, baby"

Yazz and the plastic population :rolleyes:

[Robusto]

The first line of a poem, "Solitude," by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919).


Laugh, and the world laughs with you:
Weep, and you weep alone

[tippexx]

.... or, for a topical quote.



No amount of cajolery, and no attempts at ethical or social seduction, can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party. So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin.
Aneurin Bevan

[Burner]

"When the government fears the people there is liberty, when the people fear the government there is tyranny." Thomas Jefferson

[rokkitsci]

“Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”

http://thinkexist.com/i/sq/as4.gif Emo Philips
(http://thinkexist.com/quotes/emo_philips/)

[Gordonbcb]

"It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. "

Clamenza.

[Pipe Dude]

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure if you realise that what you heard is not what I meant."

Robert McCloskey, U.S. State Department spokesman, by Marvin Kalb, CBS reporter, in TV Guide, 31 March 1984, citing an unspecified press briefing during the Vietnam war.

[Cigar-aficionado]

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect

Benny Hill

[Cigar-aficionado]

“My rule of life, prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite, smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.”

and another one...

"On Churchill's first meeting with Montgomery, the latter said, "Churchill asked me what I would drink and I replied - Water. This astonished him. I added that I neither drank nor smoked and was 100 per cent fit; he replied in a flash that he both drank and smoked and was 200 per cent fit."


Winston Churchill

[Boss Hog]

A man who travels the world in search of something he needs finds it when he returns home.

Never known who said it but I have always liked it.

[Big J]

"I feel sorry for people that don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day"

Ol Blue Eyes
Frank Sinatra

[Soulmanure]

"Tell me, do you hate people?"

"No, no, I just seem to feel better when they're not around."

Quote from Barfly (Bukowski)

Always loved that one.

[Habana-Habanos]

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. —William Arthur Ward

If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not working on hard enough problems. And that’s a big mistake. —Frank Wilczek

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. —Albert Einstein

A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking. —Martin H. Fischer

[satch]

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of another - Jane Austen.

No man is a hypocrite in his pleasures - Samuel Johnson.

I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot thinking about this and that - mostly that. I just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the millions of stars glistening like peices of quicksilver thrown carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watch the waxen moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot toward the viod of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever in their orbital majesty, and as I looked at all this I thought "Must put a roof on the lavatory". - Les Dawson.

Countryside-the killing of Piers Morgan--Stephen Fry

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.
-Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton

Get the book 'Great British Wit' by Rosemarie Jarski.
Excellent littlest room reading.

[moppy]

We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. (http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/1249.html) - Woody Allen

Oscar Wilde & Woody Allen are two of my favourite go to people when it comes to quotes. They both have really quality quotes.

[michael69]

"Told you I was Ill"

Spike Milligan's gravestone (don't know whether it actually is on his grave, but that's what he said he wanted)

[vince]

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .... Trust me !!!
Vince Orend , new years eve 1996

[Maxi-J]

"If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast." - Hemingway

[nicwing]

"If I had all the money I'd spent on drink....... I'd spend it on drink"
Henry Rawlinson

Sir Henry at Rawinson End - Vivian Stanshall's Master work of British Humour.

[Havanaaddict]

Here are a few I like:

"The most futile and disastrous day seems well spent when it is reviewed through the blue, fragrant smoke of a Havana Cigar." Evelen Waugh, English writer

"I drink a great deal. I sleep a little, and I smoke cigar after cigar. That is why I am in two-hundred-percent form.", Winston Churchill

"A cigar ought not to be smoked solely with the mouth, but with the hand, the eyes, and with the spirit." Zino Davidoff

"I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.", Mark Twain

[akreissl]

Human intellect at birth is rather like a tabula rasa, a pure potentiality that is realised through education - Ibn Sina.

[EugeneSax]

"Bugger Bognor"

- George V's final words
(apparently in reply to his doctor who had just told him he'd soon be well enough to visit said resort).

[Pandyboy]

When there's always biscuts in the tin, where's the fun in biscuts!

Gary Men Behaving Badly

[Soulmanure]

"The great question . . . which I have not been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research . . . is `What does a woman want?'"

-Freud

[celsis]

Human intellect at birth is rather like a tabula rasa, a pure potentiality that is realised through education - Ibn Sina.

Oh, very controversial! Where do we all stand on nature v nurture?

Personally, the tabula rasa theory holds a lot of water for me, but I cannot write off what seems like innate behaviour, i.e. everything before object permanence!

[nev coss]

a woman drove me to drink and I didn't have the decency to thank her

anyone who hates children and animals can't be all that bad

I cook with wine , sometimes I even add it to the food

if I had my life to live over, I'd live over a saloon

I never drink water it could be habit forming

WC Fields

[nicwing]

a woman drove me to drink and I didn't have the decency to thank her

anyone who hates children and animals can't be all that bad

I cook with wine , sometimes I even add it to the food

if I had my life to live over, I'd live over a saloon

I never drink water it could be habit forming

WC Fields

Not forgetting my favourite: "What bounder stole the cork from my lunch"

[ChrisMClark]

A couple along the same lines:

"If the Third World War is fought with nuclear weapons, the fourth will be fought with bows and arrows" Lord Louis Mountbatten

"I do not know how the Third World War will be fought, but I can tell you what they will use in the Fourth - rocks!" Einstein

A little morbid perhaps, but worth mentioning.

[Gordonbcb]

How true is this one?

"By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong"

Charles Wadsworth

[cbob]

"Call me, Ishmael"

[Simon-JG-hr]

"Do you want proof that two wrongs do make a right?

The Duke and Duchess of York producing Princess Eugenie..."

Another one of my own I'm afraid... :o

[Soulmanure]

"Call me, Ishmael"

In the middle of this great book, and here is my favorite quote from it thus far:

"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own."