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Robusto
04-09-2008, 01:15 PM
Come on!
We're slamming jokes in here, so say who makes you laugh!

Not all at once!
Do it a comic at a time. Then it lasts longer.

I'll start - and this IS one person, not three.

1. Dame Edna Everage / Sir Les Patterson / Barrie Humphries
http://www.portrait.gov.au/exhibit/borland/images/patterson.jpg

cohibaIV
04-09-2008, 04:22 PM
PETER KAY....:D

Live acts just have you bent over with laughter...

A couple of vids for our American mates....;)

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Fratton
04-09-2008, 05:16 PM
Robin Williams
Tommy Cooper
Sir Monty Python

Robusto
04-09-2008, 05:50 PM
Guys.
How do you get the YouTube screens embedded?
Which icon up there?

Robusto
04-09-2008, 06:24 PM
My absolute God of comedy is CHRIS MORRIS...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv-LKUtiOxU&feature=related

Gary
04-09-2008, 06:45 PM
Chris Rock & Billy Connolly for starters

cohibaIV
04-09-2008, 06:51 PM
And for the most classic....

The Two Ronnies:D

Four Candles.......?????

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Montesmoke
04-09-2008, 07:00 PM
My next would be jonny vegas:D

Robusto
04-09-2008, 07:10 PM
Chris Morris - Brass Eye, Drugs episode

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Chris Morris - The Day Today

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Chris Morris - Nathan Barley (CM part of production team, not acting)

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This man is a genius!

smokiejoe
04-09-2008, 07:48 PM
That was an all time classic with the two ronnies with the candles,he he.i must admit that steven fry is a very talented comic.He does it for me and that grumpy old fart from the royal family,,jim..:D

Deano
04-09-2008, 08:36 PM
Think my humour is orientated towards Robusto's tastes

Robusto
04-09-2008, 08:43 PM
You clearly have good taste, mate. :D

Montesmoke
05-09-2008, 12:45 PM
Peter sellars, jasper carrot, Dave allen (is he still alive?), :eek:

Robusto
05-09-2008, 12:51 PM
Al Murray.
aka The Pub Landlord.
On National Anthems.
Fantastic!

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cohibaIV
05-09-2008, 01:45 PM
Good choice

smokiejoe
05-09-2008, 05:21 PM
I agree with monte about peter sellers,now there is a funny bloke.good choice,what about chris tucker he is funny,i met jim davidson once when i was down doing a gig in cornwall in the one of the clubs,had us rolling around in laffter.

cohibaIV
05-09-2008, 08:38 PM
I'm sorry, but we can't have this thread without Lee Evens...

Seen him twice live...bloody brill...

Sat Nav Sketch

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Women

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Montesmoke
05-09-2008, 08:40 PM
yea funny bloke absaloute head case like Harry Hill:D

cohibaIV
05-09-2008, 08:50 PM
Sorry, but had to add this one too,,,

Drinking!

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smokiejoe
05-09-2008, 08:53 PM
Lee evans...now i gotta say,,sweats like a pig and where does he get his energy from.he is one funny bloke to watch..

Wildwood
06-09-2008, 06:03 PM
OK, agree with most of your choices...but...want one from the archives? Ever heard of Victory Borge? Danish I think, brilliant classical pianist who took the mick out of music (and other stuff) with affection and tons of class... 1950s-1970s I think, so for those with long memories only.

Wildwood

Wildwood
07-09-2008, 09:44 AM
Victor Borge...plenty on YouTube by the way, for the curious... sheer class!

Wildwood

Robusto
07-09-2008, 10:29 AM
Superb!

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Robusto
07-09-2008, 10:34 AM
God's wish...

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smokiejoe
07-09-2008, 10:37 AM
ha ha,good ole les dawson,he he.it took some doing just trying to play the wrong notes,lol.classic.

Robusto
07-09-2008, 01:30 PM
Come on Team America!
Give us some things to try and understand! :D

Montesmoke
07-09-2008, 01:57 PM
Yea! Come on be interesting.


Come on Team America!
Give us some things to try and understand! :D

Drewmidorn
08-09-2008, 08:14 AM
My absolute God of comedy is CHRIS MORRIS...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv-LKUtiOxU&feature=related
The man is indeed a genius, and more than a little twisted. He's a very strange fellow in real life...but The Day Today and Brass Eye were fantastic.
drew

Robusto
08-09-2008, 08:48 AM
Drew - I lick the guy's footsteps, mate.
I am hooked!
Have you met him?...

BTW - Victor Borge is wonderful, as well, as said earlier.

Robusto
08-09-2008, 07:08 PM
Victor Borge

I use this clip when I have to teach about the orchestra, :D

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smokiejoe
09-09-2008, 12:10 AM
LOL,the old ones are always the best,lol.:D

cohibaIV
10-09-2008, 07:34 PM
And who can forget:

Monty Python Dead Parrot Sketch:D;)


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Drewmidorn
15-09-2008, 11:51 AM
Robusto, with regards to Chris Morris, I worked with an engineer who did all the sound for Brass Eye (including Uzi Lover..oh yeah. lol) and have met Chris, although I can't claim to know him...apparently hes a difficult man and very private. Hes also a control freak and knows what he wants...but thats all part and parcel of his genius!

Robusto
15-09-2008, 12:25 PM
Uzi Lover
Panty Smile
The Pulp send-up
I could go on! :)

I think if I'd have been associated with something like Brass Eye, I'd be made up for life.

I've only recently got into Nathan Barley, and there are some sublime moments in that.

cohibaIV
03-10-2008, 02:49 PM
Last nights 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks'....

Bloody funny, I was in stiches..:bump2:

Willie1
03-10-2008, 03:22 PM
Billy Connolly and Lee Evans, always manage to get me in stitches of laughter :)

Willie

Gary
04-10-2008, 01:45 PM
I also like Dara O'Brien who I'm going to see tonight, so looking forward to that as well as the steakhouse meal before hand and the drinking afterwards :biggrin1:

cohibaIV
11-10-2008, 05:54 PM
Steptoe and Son, Bloody brill!!!

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Dean
11-10-2008, 06:51 PM
i have two fav's

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And

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Willie1
14-11-2008, 08:05 PM
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Enjoy :)

Willie :smoke:

Robusto
20-11-2008, 09:53 PM
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Uncle Chop Chop
21-11-2008, 04:09 PM
hmmmm, Lee Mack, Tim Vine, Jerry Sadowitz, Marcus Brigstoke and not forgeting the late, great Bill Hicks.

Robusto
13-01-2009, 02:37 PM
Saw this Billy Connolly sketch elsewhere recently and it made me laugh more than usual.

It's about cigars - and anti-cigar moaners!



<object width="425" height="344">


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johnnycashsboots
13-01-2009, 06:49 PM
Yeah Uncle Chop Chop got to love Bill Hicks
Chris Rock anyone?
Also Ross Noble does a nice line in surreal
Eddie Izzard used to be quite good tho the last thing I saw when he wasn't wearing a dress was, as Billy Connolly would say, pish.

Scottish_Cuban
26-01-2009, 09:38 AM
Saw this at half 5 this morning and it made me chuckle. Hope you smurk atleast with it haha.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.


She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night"

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have got out today.'

Robusto
26-01-2009, 11:00 AM
:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

cohibaIV
26-01-2009, 05:06 PM
:rofl:

Scottish_Cuban
26-01-2009, 05:56 PM
Little Harry goes to school, and the teacher says.
'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words in our class. Does anyone have an example of a multi-syllable word'?
Harry says 'Mas-tur-bate'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Harry, that's a real mouthful'.
Little Harry says, ' no, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job.'

linfield100
26-01-2009, 06:13 PM
A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We
have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain
from sex for one whole month.' The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-
half weeks returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and
the husband was obviously very depressed. 'You are back so soon...Is
there a problem?' the pastor inquired. 'We are terribly ashamed to
admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required
month.' the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what
happened. 'Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed
to abstain through sheer will-power.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we
managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried
cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our
minds off Carnal Thoughts. One afternoon my wife reached for a can of
paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was
overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and
there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour
and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,' admitted
the man, shame-facedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly,
'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.'

'We know.' said the young man, hanging his head,
'We're not welcome at B&Q either.'

Robusto
26-01-2009, 06:31 PM
Two good filth splats in a row there!

larrysputnik
26-01-2009, 09:41 PM
Who makes me laugh?

Why Drew of course. Great songs and outstanding stage poses. :biggrin1: Keep on rockin'! :rock:

linfield100
28-01-2009, 09:08 PM
I always remember Groucho Marx saying in one of his films:

" I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member"

Tony

Scottish_Cuban
29-01-2009, 02:41 PM
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting
at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his
wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting here
at this breakfast table together."
"Hmmm," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jay birds
fifty years ago this morning."
"Well," the old lady snickered, "What do you say...should we?"
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples
are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied the old man. "One's in your coffee and
the other one's in your oatmeal!"

Robusto
12-02-2009, 06:59 AM
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night
She looked pretty good for a 60-year old.
In fact, she wasn?t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, well more than a bit, we had a kiss & cuddle and she asked me if I ever had a Sportsman?s double?
What?s that? I asked.
It?s a mother & daughter threesome, she said.
Oh, I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. No I haven?t. And wondered what this daughter of hers might be like.
We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs
Mom, are you awake?

rokkitsci
12-02-2009, 01:04 PM
A couple comes in to see a lawyer (soliciter?); the old man is 107, his wife is 103.

"How can I help you," asks the lawyer?

The old man tells him "We want a divorce."

The lawyer is stunned and momentarily speechless. Finally, he asks the couple how long they've been married.

The old man answers "Going on 85 years now."

Again, the lawyer is taken aback. Regaining his composure, he asks "Well after all that time, why do you want a divorce now?"

The old woman replies "Well, we wanted to wait until the children were all dead first."

(ba-da-boom)

Robusto
13-02-2009, 04:14 PM
A young man walking along the Pier notices an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled the young man asks, " What are you doing?"
The old man replies, " Fishing for c*nts ".
"Sounds good. Can I join you?", replied the young man.
"Of course you can, pull up a pew son".
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, and then says, "So how many c*nts have you caught today?"
The old man replies, " You're the third this morning".

linfield100
15-02-2009, 08:00 PM
A guy is walking past a wooden fence when he hear's a voice shouting 13...13...13...13 over and over.
He sees a small hole in the fence, and as he starts to look through it to see who is there, a finger shoots through and pokes him in the eye.
The voice continues.....14...14...14...14

Mr Moore
01-03-2009, 09:36 PM
alan partirdge in paris..Classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v8VAt5hO8s

Mr Moore
01-03-2009, 09:39 PM
trailer park supervisor Mr lahey, [shit hawks] classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eASOI_4-ww

Robusto
01-03-2009, 11:19 PM
alan partirdge in paris..Classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v8VAt5hO8s

I absolutely love that, Mr Moore.

Glen Ponder and Savoir-Faire xxxxx

larrysputnik
01-03-2009, 11:49 PM
trailer park supervisor Mr lahey, [shit hawks] classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eASOI_4-ww

I never missed an episode. "Fuck off Lahey!" :biggrin1:

nicwing
02-03-2009, 10:05 AM
A man boarded an aircraft at London Heathrow Airport 's Terminal 5 for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.
'I'm sorry,' she said 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.'

Robusto
04-03-2009, 11:41 AM
What's hit more balls than Ian Botham's bat?
Elton John's chin.

Mr Moore
04-03-2009, 01:55 PM
count arthur strong's radio show. classico.

nicwing
04-03-2009, 02:22 PM
"English as tuppence, changing yet changeless as canal water, nestling in green nowhere, armoured and effete, bold flag-bearer, lotus-fed Miss Havishambling opsimath and eremite, feudal still, reactionary Rawlinson End.

The story so far..."

"If I had all the money I'd spent on drink...I'd spend it on drink"

Rawlinson End
Vivian Stanshall's comic master piece.

"How dare you belch in front of my wife....I'm sorry old man I didn't realise it was her turn"

Boss Hog
04-03-2009, 03:42 PM
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mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 72.0pt 72.0pt 72.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]-->IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC?

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that---since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

:cowboyic9:
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Mr Moore
04-03-2009, 08:43 PM
TPB again..Sorry lads. I just cant help myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PSKKyOmYNA

Robusto
04-03-2009, 09:01 PM
Which UK channel is this on, Mr Moore?
I feel I might like. :biggrin1:

Mr Moore
05-03-2009, 12:13 PM
Alright Robusto
Unfortunately I had to delve into the murky world of free n seedy download sites to acquire all the seasons, not sure if it aired this side of the pond.
Its canadian, its funny and if you like Alan Partridge or curb your enthusiasm, you should like this Robusto.
A friend of a friend of a dog owner who's aunt just happens to know another dog owner who's also very good friends with this chap who exists in the dodgy post victorian London underworld of free downloads probably can whizz you off a copy of season 1 if your interested robusto, free of charge.
That said, you can always pop onto bitlord so im told and download it yourself, but be weary of the thought police, remember 1984 ?

Robusto
05-03-2009, 01:13 PM
If the offer's there and it's not too much trouble, I'd love that whizzed up copy. Shall I pm my address?

My name's the same as the 1984 author's name. So much so true in there.

Olls
05-03-2009, 03:29 PM
I've never seen Trailer Park Boys in the UK but I did catch an episode of it dubbed into Polish when I was over there once. Apparently it's quite popular in Poland.

It's still funny, but in a different way!

Mr Moore
05-03-2009, 04:49 PM
yes, no probs robusto

Mr Moore
05-03-2009, 05:26 PM
Summer heights high. spoof docu about a school. Brilliant.
Drama/music teacher Mr G.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1QsapRnhsw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAyA9p_VH7s

cj121
05-03-2009, 08:55 PM
This chap never fails to make me giggle. Not everyone's cuppa I appreciate.

http://i407.photobucket.com/albums/pp154/cj155121/les_narrowweb__300x4492.jpg?t=1236286459

Robusto
17-03-2009, 07:26 PM
This chap never fails to make me giggle. Not everyone's cuppa I appreciate.

http://i407.photobucket.com/albums/pp154/cj155121/les_narrowweb__300x4492.jpg?t=1236286459

Man - He is one of my absolute favourites! :biggrin1:

This is really corny, but it amused me:



A girl goes to a massage parlour for a job.

The manager says "ok, your pretty enough, you can start asap, but for the first week you can only wank customers off."

"whys that??" asks the girl

the manager replies "you have to work a week in hand"

Robusto
17-03-2009, 07:39 PM
That could have come from Sir Les's mouth itself!

Stevieboy
17-03-2009, 11:06 PM
Bill Hicks is my comedy hero - a true prophet who died WAY before his time.

Spike Milligan also: Unique, truly unique

cj121
17-03-2009, 11:54 PM
That could have come from Sir Les's mouth itself!

It might have come from somewhere else, if he had his way Bryan!!

Robusto
20-03-2009, 01:16 PM
<EMBED src=http://www.youtube.com/v/vP0HHX4Ur9g&hl=en&fs=1 width=425 height=344 type=application/x-shockwave-flash allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always">

:smoke:
</EMBED>

nicwing
20-03-2009, 02:32 PM
I remember reading Spike Milligan's "Adolf Hitler my part in his download" on a train and laughing so load people in the carriage kept getting up to find out who let this lunatic onto the train.

If you haven't read it, do yourself a favour (miss the film though, distinctly dodgy!)

nicwing
23-03-2009, 12:26 PM
Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I'm off it for lent!

nicwing
24-03-2009, 02:12 PM
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45596000/jpg/_45596188_house466300.jpg
<SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (document.getElementById) { document.getElementById('picGalleryNoScript_0').st yle.display = 'none'; } //--> </SCRIPT>An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing on the roof of his parents' ?1million mansion near Inkpen in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

Stevieboy
24-03-2009, 02:28 PM
That.Is.Fantaaaastic!! Magic:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

Robusto
24-03-2009, 02:36 PM
Fabulous, Nic! :biggrin1:

nicwing
30-03-2009, 08:59 AM
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45596000/jpg/_45596188_house466300.jpg
<SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (document.getElementById) { document.getElementById('picGalleryNoScript_0').st yle.display = 'none'; } //--> </SCRIPT>An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing on the roof of his parents' ?1million mansion near Inkpen in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

I heard a follow up on the radio this week-end and very nearly totalled my car I laughed so much.

A commentator described this as "the biggest prick on a roof since Bono”<O:p</O:p

Boss Hog
30-03-2009, 10:42 AM
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45596000/jpg/_45596188_house466300.jpg
<SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (document.getElementById) { document.getElementById('picGalleryNoScript_0').st yle.display = 'none'; } //--> </SCRIPT>An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing on the roof of his parents' ?1million mansion near Inkpen in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

He'll be Fiddling on the roof, then?

:biggrin1:

nicwing
03-04-2009, 02:41 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg01k11Qz5w

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Stevieboy
03-04-2009, 05:31 PM
A commentator described this as "the biggest prick on a roof since Bono?<o>:p</o>:p
That is fucking hilarious!! :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

Stevieboy
03-04-2009, 05:33 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg01k11Qz5w

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Man that is brilliant!!! :hail::hail:

cj121
03-04-2009, 05:38 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg01k11Qz5w

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Excellent find Nick.

And the roof thing is phalltastic too:drum:

Robusto
03-04-2009, 05:55 PM
Wonderful stuff! :biggrin1:

Ramon
03-04-2009, 08:45 PM
Brilliant :biggrin1:

Mr Moore
03-04-2009, 09:06 PM
curb your enthusiasm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL35da4x0D0

Boss Hog
03-04-2009, 11:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg01k11Qz5w

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

fantastic

something similar.... Wii Breakfast

<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/a14s1LcCUWs&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/a14s1LcCUWs&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>

Mr Moore
04-04-2009, 12:15 AM
This ones slightly violent, but that said there is an absolute HUMDINGA of a line halfway through after the shooting; 2min 50 sec through !!




This one is a bit ugly, so apologies in advance if this is not to your humour or taste, that said its meant to be a black comedy !


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3VnX0hf_yM

nicwing
09-04-2009, 08:34 PM
Good evening, nice to see you all here this evening, I've only got a few minutes so it's quickfire tonight:

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.

I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.

Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way,

so I stole one and asked him to forgive me

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.

When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted,

"Oi, what's your disability?"

I said, "Tourettes! Now f *** off, My name's Nic Wing, Good night!

Boss Hog
10-04-2009, 04:55 PM
Lightsabers & Lingerie. What more would you want

<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NVV9q4rESPg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NVV9q4rESPg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

Ramon
10-04-2009, 09:54 PM
Brilliant Boss :biggrin1:

nicwing
15-04-2009, 08:39 PM
Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog food at Tescbury's, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

Mr Moore
15-04-2009, 08:52 PM
Withnail and I
If you have not seen this, you need to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5EmCKbWS6c

linfield100
15-04-2009, 09:09 PM
Found this last year. Don't know who they are but, Brilliant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_0kBD_4T6o

Tony

Boss Hog
15-04-2009, 11:06 PM
Found this last year. Don't know who they are but, Brilliant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_0kBD_4T6o

Tony


Nice one, Great entertainment. Tony, absolutly brilliant.
Called "men in coats" I believe

http://www.menincoats.co.uk/

Boss Hog
15-04-2009, 11:20 PM
Now here's an old favourite of mine.. Frank Sanazi.
A Frank Sinatra / Hitler tribute act.

Watch out for his other hits, "The guy from Al-queda" & "Third Riech"

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DOBQtN9axHk&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DOBQtN9axHk&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Mr Moore
17-04-2009, 03:06 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19vItpLiYgA

cj121
01-05-2009, 05:06 PM
http://bl115w.blu115.mail.live.com/mail/SafeRedirect.aspx?hm__tg=http://65.55.185.247/att/GetAttachment.aspx&hm__qs=file%3d61851be4-d594-4989-b0ef-491960c64c4c.jpg%26ct%3daW1hZ2UvanBlZw_3d_3d%26nam e%3daW1hZ2UwMTUuanBn%26inline%3d1%26rfc%3d0%26empt y%3dFalse%26imgsrc%3dcid%253a1516572E71974F8189F54 669934F1378%2540laptop&oneredir=1&ip=10.6.1.87&d=d1095&mf=0&a=01_114640ed78fcad5ea5cbba8be6aa82805a2b173c62188 36d77cdb5954f5f985d

Boss Hog
31-05-2009, 08:28 PM
Had this saved from a while back and just came across it again, still makes me laugh and very cleverly done. there is a whole series of these where she does deep fried mars bars and all the stuff you wouldnt expect delia to do.

<object width="425" height="344">


<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eAeO9ul-kbU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></object>

nicwing
31-05-2009, 08:45 PM
Had this saved from a while back and just came across it again, still makes me laugh and very cleverly done. there is a whole series of these where she does deep fried mars bars and all the stuff you wouldnt expect delia to do.

"With my old friend dry cider" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_8JLkwzpd0

nicwing
31-05-2009, 08:56 PM
The Mother Superior and Norman Gunston, something for everyone here I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyrsiIK7rBE

I wonder what ever happened to big Norm?

Mr Moore
31-05-2009, 11:07 PM
Does anyone remember that bloke on " the james whale radio show" on telly years ago, he was a stand up comic with a really funny act, you could just about make out what he was saying and he kept repeating himself, he was a from up north with fuzzy hair.
Thats all I remember, im sure it was on a school night, very late and after/before prisoner cell block H.
He used to give me roses, I wish he would again, la la la de da.

nicwing
17-09-2009, 03:48 PM
BREAKING - Kanye West just interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral to let everyone know that Michael Jackson's funeral was better

Kdot
17-09-2009, 03:52 PM
BREAKING - Kanye West just interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral to let everyone know that Michael Jackson's funeral was better

LOL, I think the interuption at the VMA's was a publicity stunt...:dontknow:

TJCoro
17-09-2009, 04:25 PM
BREAKING - Kanye West just interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral to let everyone know that Michael Jackson's funeral was better


Damn!!! This shit, :doh:err......I mean, fine thread still going on :der:


Actually, that's kinda' funny, senor :couch2:nico.

Names:bandit:TJ, TJCoro, and I just needed a post to pad my numbers (pn2211).

nicwing
29-09-2009, 04:50 PM
I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Simon-JG-hr
29-09-2009, 05:19 PM
Man walks into a butchers and challenges the man with a cleaver, "I bet you a fiver that you can't reach that beef up there."

"Sod off!" says the butcher.

"Why?"

"The steaks are too high."

:rolleyes:

snooky
29-09-2009, 05:29 PM
I have to say my all time favorites Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, god rest em.

nicwing
29-09-2009, 05:33 PM
I'm with snooky and I use the phrase" busty substances" at every possible opportunity! :biggrin1:

rhashley
25-10-2009, 09:32 AM
David Mitchell - Peep show is excellent, and he's quick & funny on pannel shows. Very intelligent

cj121
25-10-2009, 01:42 PM
David Mitchell - Peep show is excellent, and he's quick & funny on pannel shows. Very intelligent

Class:rock:

cohibaIV
25-10-2009, 09:31 PM
Stevieboy crackes me up.....Bloody YEN!!!:smoke:

celsis
25-10-2009, 10:16 PM
Come on!
We're slamming jokes in here, so say who makes you laugh!

Not all at once!
Do it a comic at a time. Then it lasts longer.

I'll start - and this IS one person, not three.

1. Dame Edna Everage / Sir Les Patterson / Barrie Humphries
http://www.portrait.gov.au/exhibit/borland/images/patterson.jpg


What makes me laugh?

Schadenfreude!

jamesmids
25-10-2009, 11:39 PM
Just been for a curry i had there new dish its called a "TARKA" its like a Tikka, just a little OTTER.
I still laugh at the old classics like Laurel and Hardy n othing more funny than slapstick comedy

cj121
25-10-2009, 11:52 PM
What makes me laugh?

Schadenfreude!


The troup, or principle?

Mr Moore
01-11-2009, 12:07 AM
Started watching " The thick of it " by chance and have to say Its very funny, Brit humour at its best !
I need to start from season 1 though.

Kdot
01-11-2009, 12:13 AM
Just watched the Dave Chapelle show, the guy has to be insane to right that stuff

kingcohiba
01-11-2009, 12:19 AM
dave chappelle is the best! i love to watch the chapelle show. wish he would write more stuff....

Big J
01-11-2009, 04:14 PM
Love Craig Shoemaker "The Love Master". He is one of the funniest stand up comedians around. I seen him live 3 times. May be going to his show on 31st of December.

G-man
01-11-2009, 04:22 PM
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I can tell you all who ain't going to make me laugh anymore and thats
Stogiedog as he has left our forum!
This is a sad day for those who never met him.
No he's not dead he just moved on somewhere other then here.
Laugh,Laugh crying:mad:

TJCoro
01-11-2009, 04:40 PM
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I can tell you all who ain't going to make me laugh anymore and thats
Stogiedog as he has left our forum!


Damn! I agree....that ain't funny!

Vaya con Dios, mi amigo, senor :panda: stogiedawg. . . . vaya con Dios!


:bandit: TJ and the Coros :girl: :lol: :shocked: :849: :juggle: and our new pet :catsmoker:

MaledettoToscano
01-11-2009, 05:15 PM
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I can tell you all who ain't going to make me laugh anymore and thats
Stogiedog as he has left our forum!
This is a sad day for those who never met him.
No he's not dead he just moved on somewhere other then here.
Laugh,Laugh crying:mad:

:confused: I though he posted only this morning. Did I miss something?

It would be a shame.

nicwing
05-01-2010, 03:37 PM
Tiger Woods has been linked to 9 mistresses.....

That's 18 holes if you count the back nine.....

jdawg
05-01-2010, 04:31 PM
Tiger Woods has been linked to 9 mistresses.....

That's 18 holes if you count the back nine.....

:biggrin1: Now that is funny! :biggrin1:

Boss Hog
05-01-2010, 05:55 PM
Tiger Woods has been linked to 9 mistresses.....

That's 18 holes if you count the back nine.....


LMFAO :hail:

Thats so funny.

whisky77
05-01-2010, 06:12 PM
LOL.Nice Nic, not heard that previously.:biggrin1:

cj121
05-01-2010, 09:53 PM
Nice one N:biggrin1:.

I think that one has had the most replies since the thread started. The simple one are always the best:rock:

celsis
06-01-2010, 11:43 AM
What makes me laugh?

Schadenfreude!

nicwing
06-01-2010, 12:27 PM
I will tell you what makes me laugh, the state of the infrastructure in this country!

Just had an email from a cigar friend in Finland where it is -15c with a metre of snow. He says everything is working fine.

1" of snow here and everything stops, if it wasn't pathetic it would be funny!

Gee_99
07-01-2010, 04:03 PM
Michael Mcintyre - on his latest DVD talking about trying shoes on...when he says that everyone just presses the ends of the shoes asif its a test of something...really really funny!

tippexx
07-01-2010, 04:43 PM
Victoria Wood ... 'cos she never has to raise her voice.

Lee Mack ... when he ain't swearin'.

Son of Cigarsmoke
07-01-2010, 11:16 PM
Richard Pryor, legend! Recently i realy like Dara O'Brien, Lenny Henery did some good stuff too

jdawg
07-01-2010, 11:20 PM
Richard Pryor, legend! Recently i realy like Dara O'Brien, Lenny Henery did some good stuff too

I agree, Richard Pryor is a legend. The original king of comedy.

Robusto
08-01-2010, 11:14 AM
2klxLisYURk

nicwing
08-01-2010, 02:57 PM
As usual Robusto, pure gay filth. Any more where that came from?

I take it you are on your longed for long week end.
Salut mon brave!:cool:

Robusto
08-01-2010, 03:29 PM
Only found that pink-fingered filth when trawling about in my snow-bound random freedom today.

This well-behaved one is pretty well known...

6-U1eXzrfwg

Drewmidorn
08-01-2010, 03:56 PM
You've got to love the old dear.... is he really gay? lol

D

nicwing
08-01-2010, 04:15 PM
That's a really old clip. Mel Smith had hair and Boris Becker was still with his wife (pre conjugal trip to the linen cupboard)

Robusto
08-01-2010, 05:41 PM
Just after his Snuff It chapel gig in 1997.

nicwing
10-01-2010, 06:33 PM
Hysterical....
http://img160.yfrog.com/i/joem.jpg/

HabanoSy
10-01-2010, 06:37 PM
Nice place nic... :smile:

Cheers, HabanoSy

Mr Moore
11-01-2010, 02:21 AM
Larry David in " Curb your enthusiasm "

nicwing
12-01-2010, 08:55 PM
I am just calming down after reading this article and I have to clean up again because I think I have wet myself (a little)

This is what the Internet was really invented for:

http://newsarse.com/2010/01/06/scientists-also-fail-to-find-evidence-of-the-clitoris/

I am thinking of a Forum competition for the first one of the Forum Members to get an article 'printed' on the web site.

Get going boys and girls, I have just submitted mine, it's about Sol Campbell and the stair lift that has been fitted at the Emirates to get him in and out of the dug out!!

“We’re going to verify the existence of nipples on women next, just as soon as we can get a girl to take her bra off for us”, said Doctor Bennett

nicwing
13-01-2010, 08:48 AM
A conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

It's too good not to pass along..

The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defence Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defence Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defence Radar: (no response .... total silence)

HabanoSy
13-01-2010, 08:19 PM
LOL...!!!

Great response...!!!

Cheers, HabanoSy

nicwing
14-01-2010, 02:37 PM
A US army platoon was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men; the platoon leader asked the injured soldier what had happened?

The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low-life scumbag who'd got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, useless, lying one-eyed porridge eater and Lord Mandelson is a pillow-biting gay bastard!

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and ponces about like a frigid, hatchet-faced lesbian.

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Harriet Harman!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bloody bus hit us."

celsis
14-01-2010, 03:57 PM
British Airways pilot was flying into Dusseldorf airport for the first time in 1956. ATC told him to go to Apron 4 and wait. The pilot took a wrong turn and ended on Apron 5.

The ATC sked him, "You are on de wrong Apron! Haf you neffer been to Dusseldorf before?"

"I have," answered the pilot, "but it was in 1944 and we didn't land....."

jdawg
14-01-2010, 04:19 PM
A conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

It's too good not to pass along..

The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defence Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defence Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defence Radar: (no response .... total silence)

thats great stuff...:smile:

jdawg
14-01-2010, 04:20 PM
British Airways pilot was flying into Dusseldorf airport for the first time in 1956. ATC told him to go to Apron 4 and wait. The pilot took a wrong turn and ended on Apron 5.

The ATC sked him, "You are on de wrong Apron! Haf you neffer been to Dusseldorf before?"

"I have," answered the pilot, "but it was in 1944 and we didn't land....."

good one! :smile:

HabanoSy
14-01-2010, 05:34 PM
British Airways pilot was flying into Dusseldorf airport for the first time in 1956. ATC told him to go to Apron 4 and wait. The pilot took a wrong turn and ended on Apron 5.

The ATC sked him, "You are on de wrong Apron! Haf you neffer been to Dusseldorf before?"

"I have," answered the pilot, "but it was in 1944 and we didn't land....."

LOL...!!!

Cheers, HabanoSy

rokkitsci
14-01-2010, 05:58 PM
Britisher Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Inglelander Ship: This is the Captain of a Ship of the Royal Navvie. I say again, divert your course.

Reply: Noooo... I say again, you divert YOUR course!

RN Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HIS MAJESTY'S BOLLOCKS, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE ROYALE NAVYES. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

Reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

tippexx
18-01-2010, 05:30 PM
Deleted

Eagles59
21-01-2010, 01:40 PM
Bill Engvall

ronin
21-01-2010, 01:58 PM
My ex wife:der:

MaledettoToscano
26-01-2010, 08:04 PM
Taylor Mali... one little clit of the mouse LOL

OonDPGwAyfQ

Gordonbcb
26-01-2010, 09:55 PM
Call me a big kid, but I still laugh out loud at Tom & Jerry :smile:

satch
29-01-2010, 08:45 PM
This gets me giggling...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0eINGyJHz8&feature=related

Boss Hog
29-01-2010, 09:10 PM
I'm trying these new underwater smokes...... scuban cigars!

nicwing
29-01-2010, 10:41 PM
http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs139.snc3/18658_280768606477_643581477_4031066_77782_n.jpg

tandblov
31-01-2010, 10:46 AM
My current favorites are Doug Stanhope and Louis CK.

Oh, and Zack Gallifinakus (from WAY before the Hangover)

nicwing
01-02-2010, 10:16 AM
Latest in a long line of these, made me titter (informative critique too I thought!)

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lQnT0zp8Ya4&hl=en_GB&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lQnT0zp8Ya4&hl=en_GB&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

nicwing
23-02-2010, 12:23 PM
In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK will no longer be referred to as 'British Weather'.

Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather'. In other words - partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

nicwing
23-03-2010, 05:56 PM
The following squads have just been announced for the 2010 World Cup


BRAZILIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Pinnochio

Vimto Memento Borneo Tango
Cheerio Subbuteo Libero
Scenario Fellatio
Portfolio
SUBS:
Placebo
Porno
Polio
Banjo
Brasso
Stereo (L)
Stereo (R)
Hydrochlorofluoro
Aristotle
Computersezno

YUGOSLAVIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Itch
Annoyingitch Hardtoreachitch Scratchanitch
Hic Sic Spic Pric
Digaditch Fallinaditch
Horseraditch
SUBS:
Mowapitch
Letsgetrich
Shagabitch


RUSSIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Whodyanicabolicov
Ticlycov Chesticov Nasticov
Slalomsky Downhillsky
Risky Swedishshev Mastershev
Fuckov Ufuckov


SUBS:
Rubitov
Gechakitov
Sodov
Pastryshev
Najinsky
Ivorripabollockov
Taykitov
ROMANIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Chatanoogaciouciou
Atishiou Blessiou Thankyiou
Busqueue Snookercu
Pennyciou Twoapennyciou Fourapennyciou
I'llgetciou Youandwhosarmi

SUBS:
U
NonU
ManU
Stuffyiou
Lee Kwan Yu

DANISH SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Toomanigoalssleten
Tryandstopussen Crapdefenssen Haveagossen
Firstsson Seccondsson
Thirdsson
Legshurtssen Notroubleseeingussen
Wherestheballssen Getthebeerssen

SUBS:
Howmanygoalsisthatssen
Finallygaveupcountinssen
Hurryupandblowthewhistlessen
Yourelatedtoalexfergusonssen

ITALIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Baloni
Potbelli Beerbelli Giveitsumwelli
Wotsontelli Yrarseissmelli Onetoomani
Legslikejelli Havabenni
Wobblijelli Spendapenni
SUBS:
Cantthinkofani!!!
Buggermi

MEXICAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

San Francisco
Costa Brava Hopelez Juan Andonly
Manuel Gearbox
Don Criformi-Argentina Skrewdigalz Luis Canon
Sombreo Chihuahua Jose pipe

SUBS:
CrazyTJ the Cigar smoking donkey
Jesus Maria Don Key
Burrito
Speedy Gonzalez
Tequila
Caramba

DUTCH SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2010

Kenning van Hire
Van Diemansland Van der Valk Van Gard
Van Erealdizeez
Ad van Tagus Hertz van Rental Transit van Dors
Van Coova Van Sprokendown Aye van Hoe

SUBS:
Van Iller
Van Ishincreme
Van Morrison

Two players who are not included are Russian hard-man
Sendimov, who will be serving a three-month suspension, and
the hard-working Mexican midfielder, Manuel Labor.
There is no place in the Dutch squad for les bian tranny, Dick
van Dyke.
The young Dutch star Per Vert has been excluded from the
squad, after he was discovered in the back streets of
Amsterdam with his finger in a dyke.

moppy
25-03-2010, 07:10 PM
Woody Allen is probably my favourite comic of all time. Theres not much of his stand up recorded, but what little there is, I love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmnLRVWgnXU

And ofcourse, his movies are brilliant. Another one of my favourite comics would be Richard Pryor. He is utter genius embodied.

Cigar-aficionado
25-03-2010, 07:12 PM
Billy Connoly without a doubt, and he smokes cigars :smoke:

crslaytor
25-03-2010, 07:31 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbtlv2cImxM

The best Orange advert ever!!! :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

Soulmanure
26-03-2010, 03:17 PM
Ricky Gervais--always cracks me up.

Burner
26-03-2010, 04:24 PM
This is funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

Pandyboy
31-03-2010, 05:50 PM
My comedy Idol is Sid James - When told to give up smoking cigarettes he did and went on to cigars. Ledgend.

Also love Lee Evans and old Jasper Carrot.

nicwing
09-06-2010, 11:52 AM
Just found this - why we won the war...

http://www.jubed.com/images/why_hitler_lost_the_war.jpg

Lionhound
09-06-2010, 12:39 PM
Just found this - why we won the war...

http://www.jubed.com/images/why_hitler_lost_the_war.jpg

Nice one. LMAO.

cj121
09-06-2010, 08:46 PM
Just found this - why we won the war...

http://www.jubed.com/images/why_hitler_lost_the_war.jpg

That is a good one ay? Simple but effective.
:biggrin1:

nicwing
28-06-2010, 12:21 PM
Always keep an eye on Newsarse.com. Liked this...

http://newsarse.com/2010/04/14/primark-to-introduce-padded-swimming-trunks-for-male-swimmers-of-all-ages/

Soulmanure
28-06-2010, 01:49 PM
This is funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

This is an absolute classic. "That's Jeff Vader, that is."

EugeneSax
02-07-2010, 10:24 AM
30 today apparently:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzqdDoe8FoM&NR=1

nicwing
05-07-2010, 12:34 PM
Friend from the US just sent me this, don't often pass thes on but this is a doozie!!


ANYONE WANT TO WRITE A BOOK?

For all lovers of good writing, here are the 2009 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, (aka "It Was a dark and Stormy Night" Contest) run by the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.


10. As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.
9. Just beyond the Narrows , the river widens.

8. With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

7. Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep...Andre creep."

6. Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.

5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store.

4. Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.

3. Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear;" a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.

AND THE WINNER IS...
1. The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the
castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

nicwing
02-09-2010, 03:04 PM
Police in Liverpool just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, £50 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes all in a semi- detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.

Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said:

"We're shocked. We never knew we had a f***n' Library!!"

satch
02-09-2010, 05:30 PM
Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

Frodo: "You're not fooling anyone, that was premature ejaculation and you know it."
__________________

nicwing
02-09-2010, 05:44 PM
I knew Amsterdam was pretty gay, but I had no idea about the Hague.

nicwing
03-09-2010, 12:15 PM
Whoever said "money can't buy happiness" never got a 900$-an-hour Ukrainian hooker who will blow you with a mouth full of wasabi mustard.

http://twitter.com/FATJEW

nicwing
15-09-2010, 08:55 PM
George Michael has written a new song already about his skinhead cellmate...He's called it 'Hairless Fister'.

Boss Hog
16-09-2010, 08:24 AM
I see the pope's aide, Cardinal Walter Kasper has pulled out at the last minute. Good to see he's practising what he preaches!!

Aussiewaz
16-09-2010, 10:24 AM
Monty Python in all it's guises and that bloody Canteen Incident video get me.
muaAZE0M3LU

MarkSDMF
19-09-2010, 11:43 PM
Jesus I forgot how amazingly funny dear Eddie Is lol.
I passed by him in Aberdeen last year whilst he was doing the whole jogging round the f***ing universe thing :P

Although this guy is a smart funny guy.

MarkSDMF
19-09-2010, 11:44 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX1CvW38cHA

MarkSDMF
19-09-2010, 11:46 PM
Damn it, i cant embed a video !
GRR
Anyway it was Bill Hicks.
Here the blasted video link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX1CvW38cHA

:coffee2:

Soulmanure
20-09-2010, 02:27 AM
Patton Oswalt cracks me up:

<object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bQhXP8Oq5RM?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bQhXP8Oq5RM?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>

celsis
20-09-2010, 09:06 AM
This is brilliant!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-RkuXPj3Q4&feature=related

Simon-JG-hr
09-10-2010, 08:33 PM
Just been catching up with Michael McIntyre's Roadshow, and just come across this genius... Simon Evans.

For context, this particular show was in Sunderland:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBudGOfNnac

Styler
12-10-2010, 08:53 PM
Great thread guys!

I'm a massive comedy fan, not many of my favourites mentioned though! I'll stick to the one at a time rule though :smile:

I think Louie CK is the best US, stand-up comedian since Bill Hicks.

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za7jQ1s1BV0 x81M3g3zjXc

MarkSDMF
12-10-2010, 11:47 PM
More Bill hicks :)
Of course, has to be, and for ever will be, obviously, clearly one of the best stand up comedians of our time. He can hit so many nerves with one big sucker punch to the solar plexus followed by a kick to gonads and then tickling your ribs when your on the deck begging for mercy.

So, in conclusion, a rather funny fellow :P


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Fl9ZVJ7B8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziZHoCaZ1Fs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4CQ_1GWn4w&NR=1

Styler
13-10-2010, 09:22 AM
Firstly I must say that I do love Bill, but TBH I think he was a better ideas man than a stand-up writer.

He chose amazing topics to pick holes in and and nothing was off limits but when you analyse what's actually happening on stage there are a lot of pauses and a lot of repetition. If he had come up with the ideas and then had a co-writer help him to flesh it out or trim it down then you could have had twice as much material performed in the same amount of time and a lot less annoying microphone noises!

But I understand that these are probably very unpopular opinions so I'll shut up now adn leave with my favourite Bill clip.

vX1CvW38cHA

MarkSDMF
13-10-2010, 12:36 PM
Im on my phonw here stylar so cant see the video.

To me, when a stand up has to have things edited and trimmed, and "fleshed out" its obvious to us the audience that its not just "off the cuff" shall I say. However I do umderstand that the majority of stand ups practice their routine but I believe, in the depths of my heart, the centre of my soul and in the parts of my brain that use only 5% of what they are capable of... That bill hicks didnt give a flying intercourse movement about how he performed. I reckon he went out there to give more of a political statement with a funny twist rather to try singuarly, to make people laugh.

Meh, IMHO of course lol

watcher-in-the-woods
13-10-2010, 12:51 PM
barack obama makes me laugh....because he is sofa king we todd ed!

i also like andrew dice clay! reminds me lots of myself at times...

Styler
13-10-2010, 01:39 PM
Im on my phonw here stylar so cant see the video.

To me, when a stand up has to have things edited and trimmed, and "fleshed out" its obvious to us the audience that its not just "off the cuff" shall I say. However I do umderstand that the majority of stand ups practice their routine but I believe, in the depths of my heart, the centre of my soul and in the parts of my brain that use only 5% of what they are capable of... That bill hicks didnt give a flying intercourse movement about how he performed. I reckon he went out there to give more of a political statement with a funny twist rather to try singuarly, to make people laugh.

Meh, IMHO of course lol

Yeah, I totally agree that he cared more for the statement he was making than having a well oiled routine. Most major stand-up comedians practice their routine and have all their major jokes constructed and optimised to within an inch of their lives, it's the links inbetween the jokes that give them a chance to flex their improvisational muscle. I just think that Bill belabours his points a little, but as you say, I guess he wanted you to think more than laugh. I still don't care for all his microphone noises though ;)

Gary
13-10-2010, 07:34 PM
People who sell glass top boxes of "Cohibas" on ebay, with presumably a straight face :biggrin1:

Lilyboo
13-10-2010, 07:36 PM
Bec Hill, the funniest comedian I have ever seen.

Aussiewaz
15-10-2010, 11:42 AM
5_J_H0KQzYk

Styler
22-10-2010, 10:11 AM
Here's a couple of clips from probably my favourite comedian, Dylan Moran.

j95uDFgEpt0 wlLpCh-lE54

Seriesteve
22-10-2010, 11:39 AM
Well I liked em, and we need a bit of a laugh .....

A mate of mine has just started the Whisky Diet...... He's already lost Three Days ..............(I hear the desert winds passing) IYKWIM

A Chap goes to the doctor and says " I cant stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home"
Doc.. " Ah you've got Tom Jones Syndrome"
Chap..." Is that Common"
Doc... " It's Not Unusual"
Boom Boom
Ss

Aussiewaz
22-10-2010, 11:49 AM
These from the Interwebz make me laugh.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take sh!t from anybody.

Chuck Norris once had a street named after him. But the name was removed at once, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris, and lives.

Chuck Norris doens’t read books, he stares them down until they tell him what he wants to know.

Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris got in a fight with a VCR player...now it plays dvds.

Chuck Norris doesn’t tea bag the ladies.... he potato sacks them.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of species that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.

Chuck Norris never wears a motorcycle helmet. The concrete always scoots out of the way.

Darkness is not the absence of light. It is the presence of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris once ate a RubricÕs Cube, and pooped it out solved.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side

"Chuck Norris" is a safe word that works for all jungle beasts.

For every answer on the SAT test, write in "Chuck Norris". You will automatically score a 1600.

Chuck Norris once got a flat tire on the New Jersey Turnpike. That’s why he made the rest of the country hate New Jersey. They’ve been collecting tolls ever since in hopes of raising enough payoff money in case it ever happens again.

Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club

Aussiewaz
22-10-2010, 12:01 PM
Here's a couple of clips from probably my favourite comedian, Dylan Moran.

ROTFLMAO at the second clip. I always wondered how Conan the BallBearing made it to Governor.