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    It's coming on Dec 20 and... well... I don't like birthday and celebrations at all, really.

    I'm being sussed out by the family.

    They know I would kill them if they were to spring a 'surprise' party on me. I am a man who likes to think ahead about emotional things, you see, and a party with long-lost friends all gathered would piss me off to the point of breakdown, I think. Plus I'd feel like I was in a bad advert - and I only want to be in good adverts.

    I can obviously angle for good cigars for this one.

    The only remotely 'family' suggestion that has interested me is a helicopter flight, and I wouldn't mind one over London. I don't want to shelve out shitloads for a trip from the big wheel to the Houses of Parliament and back, so if any of you SE England boys knows of any decent over-London flights, let me know, please.

    My missus was in Uganda for a month around her 50th earlier this year. She doubled a professional commitment in Uganda with a safari tour and a visit to see the big famous apes in Rwanda. She had a ball.

    So when do I drop the news that I want a solo fortnight in Cuba at around Easter time? I don't feel so bad - certainly no guilt or shit - since I'm owed one after the African adventure.

    My boys want for nothing. It's cosy here. I wouldn't be like the father flying off with two abandoned children left with a glass of milk and a donut! They have girls they need privacy to slaver over, anyway. (One looks like Paris Hilton. Which is a worry).

    How timely! During this typing, she's phoned me to rescue her from Homebase a town away as she's locked her keys in her car and is trapped with a new lawnmower outside the car! We love each other to death in case it reads otherwise here - but fuck me I'm winning for my Hello Cuba! 'declaration'!

  • #2
    Think I'll claim/announce it will be for a week to keep all clocks pointing to happy.

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    • #3
      Always fancied a balloon flight myself...

      Why don't you offer to organise a school trip to Cuba...there could be no arguing with that? I suspect I've missed the point...

      Have you sprung the idea to the missus at all yet? Might be good to give her plenty of time to get used to the idea...

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      • #4
        Have just spent half an hour when not educating looking up Cuba cigar tours. I've emailed for details because the crafty sods don't quote the whole price. Usually it's flights only quoted, then gorgeous itineraries only available by email enquiry.

        If it's all too dear, I shall buy some extra big fat cigars for solo firing squad shots around the nearby Kent and Sussex coastline and tourist attractions.

        I'm toying with Whitstable Harbour, Canterbury Cathedral cloisters, Joss Bay, Walpole Bay Hotel, Ramsgate Marina, Deal Pier, my lock-up garage (a media hot-spot, you understand), Dover Cliffs, Folkestone Marina, Dungeness Nuclear Power Station, Winchelsea Shingle, Camber Sands Holiday Park.

        A nude calendar - "Let's Struggle Against Testicular Cancer, Boys!" - might be a profitable side-line, too, if I adjust the way I pose.

        Sacks and Stogies.
        (Very Phoenix Nights).

        Any takers?...



        Lordee I need a holiday from all this changing the minds of the youth stuff...
        That'll be next Monday, then.
        Counting down...

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        • #5
          Sticks and Balls, maybe...

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