View RSS Feed

simonc

Neckbeards and Teenage Critics

Rating: 3 votes, 3.67 average.
From my outbursts on the hoyo thread, I realised we need to talk, we need to talk US cigar sites. Now any Americans on here, we love you okay so don't start flag-waving shouting "we saved your ass God-dammit!!" ...wait friend, be still, be informed. The issue here is the huge number of idiots on cigar sites (sadly yes American in the whole) largely because you guys fill the interwebs with your guff, which is fine, and we Brits still use wood and blue child slave technology, although now brown - it seems only the Aussie are getting it somewhat right, but I shall savage them another day - for now we give thanks that the internet is the biggest bottomless landfill in the universe and can absorb this trash. However it may, I cannot. There are only so many cigar sites and they're starting to back-up; nay spew over and vomit streams of 23 year old bloggers grunting under their vastly sticky bulk, the creepy loners, the inept, the awkward, the escapee, the truly unemployable, throwing out four to five letter descriptive adjectives like "nice" and "tasty", many bearing shameful neck beards and gangster baseball caps, sucking on mega-fat, mega-strong, new world cigars (the stronger the better right bro?) unable to to even spell the country from where it hails let alone be able to point to it on a map forcing me to address this overspill of inarticulate, unqualified, crushingly sad basement-dwellers, enjoy:

(Note, further evidence, due to these morons retardedly rude and over ambitious advertising on their videos please click a youtube video scattered among the others while their 29 second ads pass and die)

First up Teenage gold, "barnyard" (that's chicken sh*t right?)
http://mikesstogies.com/2011/06/29/my-father-no-1/

His big brother "The One" shamelessly plugging of some mega tent we ain't going to (probably for his butt).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qCJH...eature=related

Death in a chair "Captain Charisma" and yes don't forget to wipe
http://www.stogiereview.com/2010/10/...t-impressions/

Your fave "The Hardcore Gay Guy" - sift through his channel its all gold all strange
http://www.youtube.com/user/BullDogWhit1023

Ah yes Death Metal - we all love death metal right with a cigar yes? Right? Death Metal they go together yes?
http://www.stogiereview.com/2010/02/...o-gues-review/

Smoking Hot Chick. She likes to be taken care of and ballet, she be sopistomicated innit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5aZ8...eature=related

Her mother demonstrating her evening skills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0quNY...eature=related

Her husband
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raDUiSyPB6c

And of course these guys (whom I curiously like) giving everything a 9 or a 10 out of 10 - genius.
http://www.tikibaronline.com/

American are you still here, amirite or wrong? Listen gimme Dave Savona and Gordon Mott all day long; yes a little dull, little staged, little meh, but at least you know that they know what they are talking about. Now I didn't try hard at all here friends, since we are all awash with fail cigar review videos but please please do not rest here, please post up your own special all time fail youtube or site videos below.
Cheers
Simonc.


Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to Digg Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to del.icio.us Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to StumbleUpon Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to Google Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to Facebook Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to My Yahoo! Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to MySpace Submit "Neckbeards and Teenage Critics" to Twitter

Updated 29-06-2011 at 10:55 AM by simonc

Tags: None Add / Edit Tags
Categories
Cigar Blogs

Comments

  1. M1F2R3's Avatar
    LOL! It's America, what did you expect
  2. Ricky's Avatar
    Come on guys! So these guys in the vids don't conform to your antiquated, boys club society image you are obviously atemping to adhere to. Is it not true that at the end of the day they are just enjoying cigars in whichever way they wish to. So what if they are not in there 40's wearing brogues and a smoking jacket, reading from the elitist cigar appreciation dictionary. I say anyone, from any background should be able to enjoy what they believe to be a good cigar in whichever way suits them, and if you don't like it, well don't look. I for one think America is great that almost anyone can smoke a cigar, affluent or not, young or old, and unlike this country they are not greated with looks af distaste. Seriously guys, just get on with your thing and let others get on with theirs.
  3. M1F2R3's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky
    Come on guys! So these guys in the vids don't conform to your antiquated, boys club society image you are obviously atemping to adhere to. Is it not true that at the end of the day they are just enjoying cigars in whichever way they wish to. So what if they are not in there 40's wearing brogues and a smoking jacket, reading from the elitist cigar appreciation dictionary. I say anyone, from any background should be able to enjoy what they believe to be a good cigar in whichever way suits them, and if you don't like it, well don't look. I for one think America is great that almost anyone can smoke a cigar, affluent or not, young or old, and unlike this country they are not greated with looks af distaste. Seriously guys, just get on with your thing and let others get on with theirs.
    To be fair, I'm not a polemicist (yeah, right..) though I'm a teenager. I don't claim to be a professional cigar smoker unlike a lot of these Vloggers and bloggers who do. I do think the OP has a point, he is like the Russian police... stern but fair.
  4. Simon-JG-hr's Avatar
    Interesting. Does anyone else belong to the rather large co-operative of online-BOTLs who have filed a suit under the TradeDescriptions Act against 'Smoking Hot Cigar Chick'... If that's the level that the bar is set at then I may change the name of the Cigar Monologues to the 'Supremely Athletic and Handsome Cigar Smoking Gent'... Mind you, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it...

    Now, the last comment has got me thinking. At what stage does someone go from amateur smoker to professional smoker? Is there a semi-pro stage in the middle somewhere?
  5. Pleevy's Avatar
    I cant say i agree with all of your sentiments. Everyone has to start out somewhere, alright most of us will do it in the privacy of our own homes without giving the whole world a window in via Youtube. I do agree that there are some epic fails of videos out there though, this might take your fancy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKz8jx-BzBY
    As the postcard from CGars says "Keep Calm and Have a Cigar"
  6. simonc's Avatar
    Pleevy that is a fantastic video! Pocket knife cutter and can't strike a match and he's what, 15? He actually looks like he's scared of being caught by his mother. Brilliantly awful!! Thanks!
  7. TomsCigars's Avatar
    Oh hi there! I am the guy responsible for the video you mention here: [url]http://www.stogiereview.com/2010/02/09/alec-bradley-prensado-gues-review/[/url]
    You are truly ignorant. You call that DEATH METAL?! Seriously? C'mon. Be a man and address me directly, man to man you fucking twerp!
  8. patrickspark's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by TomsCigars
    Oh hi there! I am the guy responsible for the video you mention here: http://www.stogiereview.com/2010/02/...o-gues-review/
    You are truly ignorant. You call that DEATH METAL?! Seriously? C'mon. Be a man and address me directly, man to man you fucking twerp!
    Hello Tom. Unlike Simon, I really enjoyed your review. Ed and you held my attention and you both obviously share a great deal of knowledge which you passed on in an entertaining and informative manner. I'll certainly look for more of your reviews.
    But perhaps calm down a little - you're frightening me with those agressive replys !
  9. TomsCigars's Avatar
    Don't get me wrong. I love haters of my reviews. I was referring to him calling the music "Death metal." I stand by my original reply, as the man clearly has no idea what he is talking about. I am here to school him.

    Another point is... If you are going to insult someone, be man enough to face that person. I see my efforts are in vein. Moving on...
    Updated 07-08-2011 at 02:13 PM by TomsCigars