Separation

[Simon Bolivar]

Sad times indeed. Agree Kickback, wait until after your daughter's exam but ensure you seek proper legal advice first. If communication has broken down so badly already, things could get really nasty when she gets legal advice to use against you (& then sends you the bill!). You want to ensure full access, hopefully shared parenting i.e. equal time with you & you need to find somewhere with enough room for them to stay with you on their visits.

I would also wonder if someone else was involved, not wearing her ring might just mean she's given up on the marriage but it but be because she already has someone else in mind?

[mrnutt]

Sorry to hear that things haven't worked out Kickback, also sounds like you've been the one who's been putting all the legwork in for trying to work things out, which does make you wonder why you bother at the end of it - and thats me talking from my recent experience.

Fully understand you not wanting to disturb your daughters exams, once those are done make sure you then look after you, give yourself some time to do all the things you've been wanting to do but not been able to recently.

I wish you the best of luck with the likely unfortunate impending storm and don't forget who you are during the process, I know that sounds wanky but i've tried to stick to that principle for the last few months and it's made me feel a bit better about myself in the situation.

Make sure you enjoy some you time with some decent sticks!

[Kickback]

It's over. We talked last night and I'm now in the spare room till we sort things out.

[Simon Bolivar]

Sad but perhaps now enevitable, one positive thing, the kids will obvious notice you are sleeping apart & so won't be so surprised when you end up leaving. Sometimes it's harder for the kids to adjust when the parents have managed to his their unhappiness until (usually), their father ends up leaving. Chin up, tough days ahead but hopefully better days for all in the long term (even for your wife).

[ValeTudoGuy]

Men so often get the shitty end of the stick in life and yet we are told we have privilege......

[TonyN]

Hit the nail on the head there tudor

[jerryr]

Sorry to hear about your problems, but like others on here, I've got the tee-shirt. In my opinion if the kids are not being affected and you can live with the situation for a few months, maybe wait until after the exams are over. I was relatively fortunate my kids were at university when the shit hit the fan. I was a stubborn asshole and stood my ground, although I new the house would be sold etc I stood firm and she eventually moved out. I kept the family home for a further 3 years until the children graduated, but it was a dirty divorce, if you've got the money it can be worth it. But be careful it's not nice and leaves a very sour taste in the mouth.

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[Kickback]

Just a quick update.
5 months in to hell and she has agreed to marriage counselling.
I've sorted it next week.
Not much positive outlook given I've tried to engage and even wrote 8 texts setting out how I feel. All the response I have got is she's too busy to reply and would rather talk through a counsellor than direct.
The way I feel is it will be a couple of counselling sessions to tick her "tried" box then get onto the job of separating.
I just need to see some light at the end of this tunnel to focus on without losing everything I've spent 20 plus years pouring all my finance and emotion into.
Please tell me there are 50 plus women out there who are single and lovely, and not complete selfish witches.

[PeeJay]

Just a quick update.
5 months in to hell and she has agreed to marriage counselling.
I've sorted it next week.
Not much positive outlook given I've tried to engage and even wrote 8 texts setting out how I feel. All the response I have got is she's too busy to reply and would rather talk through a counsellor than direct.
The way I feel is it will be a couple of counselling sessions to tick her "tried" box then get onto the job of separating.
I just need to see some light at the end of this tunnel to focus on without losing everything I've spent 20 plus years pouring all my finance and emotion into.
Please tell me there are 50 plus women out there who are single and lovely, and not complete selfish witches.

Do you mean more than fifty women or women who are over fifty? Just wondering.

[puff o'wind]

Im sure he means women over 50 so that he at least has a chance of re starting a loving relationship. Of course there are. Many. I wish you luck.

[grumpybaldy]

Does he mean size '50 plus'?!

[grumpybaldy]

...they probably would be single, bless.

[grumpybaldy]

Joking aside, Puff is right. I'd hazard a guess there are more 50+ women wondering the same about the equivalent men than the other way around. A real opportunity I'd say!

[7kingsguy]

I have a friend in his 50s whos wife just upped and left one day to go live with a new man.

He has since remarried and is much happier. It is possible!

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[Simon Bolivar]

Kickback, Counselling per say seems too little too late now, especially as she no longer wants to talk direct but Mediation is another matter. Mediation helps you break up more amicably, & deals with access to kids, dividing time & property ect so at least you can start off again on an even keel & you'll be in a better place to re-start your life & in due course, your love life too.

Since this thread has been going, I too have experienced problems, esculating to the worst situation we have had in 28yrs of marriage. The menopause has a lot to do with it, the changing hormones, altering feelings & reducing the nesting syndrome ect. I finally figured out my wife is actually clinically depressed & I managed to prove that to her by getting her to fill out the PHQ-9 form, that you can find if you Google it under the NHS. This is a tool that clinicians use to determine the depth & severity of the depression & the grade score indicates the best treatments.

My wife said she scored Moderate range but the fact it's been going on for 6months+ (apparently she told my sister she was depressed in Feb, to explain why she had just spent most of her savings on a brand new car to cheer herself up). Well she didn't mention that to me. She became increasing moody & 'down' but sometimes your too close to see the clinical picture. Anyway I knew she wouldn't take it well from me.

However she accepted the Questionnaire findings but refuses to seek medical help; that's nurses for you! She thinks she can dig herself out of that hole (if I change my behaviour) but I can see her going down hill. I am going to do my best over the next couple of months but in the end we are all responsible for our own health & well being. We are in for a tough Q4 as I'll be studying to renew my Medic's licence & away on courses for Oct to Dec & then working Christmas & NY. So if she isn't markedly better by Sept I'll be trying hard to get her to ask for medication as it will take 6wks to work & I don't want to be separated by Christmas.