How to get rid of the smell!!!

[EugeneSax]

Have a saucer full of bicarbinate of soda (dry powder, not in solution) somewhere in the room. I use about 1/3-1/2 a tub & change it after say 2 or 3 months. (From Rudman' book).

[El Catador]

El Catador steps up, . . it's been a while coming, . . but .. finally, . . at long last (thanks for being patient..) . . I can actually . . for the first time . .contribute a genuinely . . useful . . titbit of INFORMATION to this wonderful site!!

I know of course that everyone in the forums appreciates the occasional piece of wittertainment I stick in a thread here or there, and .. naturally who can't help, but love, the inventive use of smilies . .but . . maybe, . . if I'm right about the value of my answer, I can finally achieve that 'Brilliant Newbee Award' I've been trying so subtly to hint at (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) for all these bloody months.
I mean, . .sheesh, what's a guy gotta do around here? . . run down the street dressed as a chicken or sumthin? . . Because, if that's what it takes. . . I've already got the walk down pat.
Well, I will if you will.

Anyhow, I'm digres-ifi-cating, the answer you've been so patiently waiting for is (drum-roll) . .

A smelly candle . . .Tah Dah!!

No, wait, don't look like that, I'm not talking about just any smelly candle, God no!
But a big (and I mean 100 hours big) high-end, expensive candle.
Forget smoke removal or cheap-and-cheerful ikea candles, - you get what you pay for, and, don't forget, that's why your smoking fine puro's instead of hamlets or NC's*

I'm not saying necessarily 'Jo Malone' expensive, but something in that rough direction, preferably with a heavy-ish perfume (you gotta like it yourself, as you'll be sending some seriously good, quality time with it/her).

Next, light it up BEFORE you begin to smoke, and leave it burning overnight (please be careful, health and safety and all that nanny state b**lsh*t!), . blow it out in the morning and repeat every day until the cigar 'odor' has gone (or has been replaced by something the wife, or significant other, approves of!) usually 3 to 4 days tops.

This blessing is humbly (nudge, nudge) bestowed upon you by the wise senor, El Cat . . pawses (geddit?) for applause and takes a bow.

Now, who else seeks the divine knowledge of the Cat? . . . . . . . . well don't all rush at once.

Slinks off, moodily, muttering and twitching.
'All that waiting for someone to say 'here's a Brilliant Newbee Award' (Deano I'm looking at you), has given me a nervous tic . . if I stay here much longer I'm gonna end up like frankenstein's monster!
Part mad scientist (think of dear Pappy Rokkit), and part Mexican loon with a 'bad' smilie habit (can't think of who that might be like . . ?) . . Yeah, . . I know, not pretty . . right?

P.S. Several months of employing the above method, successfully. . without complaint, in my warm (roof over my head, heater on full, music playing, moroccan styled, luxuriously warm - thanks for askin'), Conservatory!! . . I know . . I know . . how unbelievably blooming middle class? I hate me too!!
To my wife I'd just like to say: 'Thank you, you're a top bird' x

What's this? . . an award for the Most Rambling, Most Incoherent, . . Most 'must-not-post-when-over-refreshed' Award, . . . for me?.
Oh my . . how unexpected.

P.P.S. Let's not mention this in the morning when I'm sober.
Clicks on the 'post' button and . . it whooshes down the Internet connection thingy, and straight onto your astonished faces! Oh .. my bad!

*Only kidding America, . . no need to carry that chip on your shoulder, just because, . . secretly, you're afraid that your puro's can't measure up to .. small.. little ..Cuba's . . .('come on and hear that salsa') . . . get over it already and prey for the end of the embargo! . . go on, right now . .down on your knees . . c'mon admit it . . deep down you know the truth even if you'll never admit it on a public forum).

[crslaytor]

Try candles and ask for proper odour eliminator..
Lately I am using some new one called "oust" 3 in 1 , kills bacterias and blabla..its somehow working + I'm leaving the windows open while im out

[RogMcDodge]

I've been unable to shift the smell for a week or so. I've tried Fabreezing, windows open etc. My wife has now confined me to the garden - so good luck.

[moidoid]

An auspicious day yesterday as I christened the man-cave in the cellar with its first cigar, a Juan Lopez Robusto as it happens. The precautions I had taken to seal the door seem to have worked well - no smoke in the next room in the morning.

The problem is that the cellar still stinks 24 hours later. I have an extractor on all the time and a Csonka desktop purifier but I need to be able to shift the smell fairly quickly if I am to continue fabricating my little paradise.

Any tips?