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  • CHOKING ON A COIN

    A man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 10 pence coin in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.
    He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
    A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper, sipping a cup of coffee and smoking a cigar. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, puts his cigar in the ashtray, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market.
    Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just barely) the man carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly.

    After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.
    The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As the man is about to leave, the father asks one last question:
    "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?" "Oh, good heavens, no", the man replies, "I work for the IRS."
    Love Life - Love Cigars

    Comment


    • ITS A MAN'S WORLD

      How many men does it take to open a beer?
      None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

      Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
      Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

      Why do women have smaller feet than men?
      So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

      How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
      When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

      How do you fix a woman's watch?
      You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

      Why do men pass gas more than women?
      Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

      If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
      The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

      All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

      What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
      A woman that won't do what she's told.

      What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
      Divorced.

      Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

      Scientist have discovered a food to diminish a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is Wedding Cake.

      Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

      Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

      In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

      Why do men die before their wives?
      They want to.

      What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
      About 5 drinks.

      Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
      Two Mothers-in-law.

      Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.

      A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:"Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine."

      A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a minute and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and then beat me half to death."

      The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

      Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
      Love Life - Love Cigars

      Comment


      • A sex professor asks, do you know what your asshole is doin while you are havin an orgasm? Woman replies "probably drinking beer with his friends"

        Comment


        • did you hear the one about the lifts (or elevators for US friends)...


          It works on so many levels

          Comment


          • A man meets a woman at a party - she introduces herself, "Hi, my name is Carmen.

            I decided to change my name to the two things I love most in life - Cars and Men, hence the name, Carmen. What's your name?"

            Without missing a beat, he replies, "B.J. TitsGolfCigars"

            *badump chink!*

            Comment


            • Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
              It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu
              Free the UKCF one

              Comment


              • This isn't a joke as such but occurred last week while I was driving to work

                Was listening to the radio while travelling in the car the other day, sports station was on and they had a compeition a nearest the pin so to speak between these two guys who had rung in. The question was

                "How long in centimetres is the reach of Russian boxing giant Nikolai Valuev nearest to his reach wins the prize'

                Long pause first answer

                "630"

                The two guys hosting the show start to laugh "let me just check that answer you said 630?"

                "yes"

                "ok then ...." desperately surpressing their laughter over to our next contestant, what do you think it is more or less than 630?

                "ummmmmmm....................631 centimetres"

                everyone in the radio station burst into laughter..........classic, i almost crashed the car..... laughing

                Comment


                • An Italian, a Frenchman, and a Pollack are walking down a country lane. They hear a bleating noise and -- sure enough -- come upon a sheep that had gotten its head lodged between two pickets of a fence.

                  The Italian looks at the sheep and says, "I'm-a wish-a dis-a was-a Gina Lolabrigida. I'm-a go up behind-a her and woo woo woo we hav-a some fun-a."

                  The Frenchman looks over at the sheep and says, "I weesh zees waz Brigitte Bardot. I wood mak mad passionate amour weez her long eento ze naht."

                  The Pollack looks at the sheep and says, "Hmmm. I wish it was dark."

                  rokkitsci

                  Comment


                  • Paddy goes into PC World looking for curtains for his PC. The assistant says "you dont need curtains for a computer!", Paddy says," HELLOOO! It's got fucking WINDOWS!".


                    A soldier asks a nun " can I hide under your habit? Were off to Afghanistan and I dont want to go". After a while he emerges. "Hope you dont mind me saying but you have a nice pair of legs". The nun replies, "look higher and you'll see a nice pair of balls... I dont want to go either!".
                    sigpic"Stupid Boy".....
                    http://backinbirdland.blogspot.com
                    http://www.flickr.com/photos/mike-lawrence-photos/

                    Comment


                    • I had a similar experience to MoaningM.

                      Someone came in and asked for a box to post something in. When asked what size they replied
                      "about 400 by 400 by 400"
                      to which the guy asked in all seriousness
                      "centimetres or millimetres?"

                      Comment


                      • Not so much a joke but a YouTube clip. Very Bird and Fortune, and extremely funny.

                        Trust the Aussies...

                        The Front Fell Off
                        My cigar review blog: The Cigar Monologues (Twitter / Facebook)
                        My Company:
                        Siparium Sporting

                        Comment


                        • News Flash.........

                          The makers of Tampax are to release a limited edition product which has seasonal messages printed on them, these will only be available during the festive period.
                          Free the UKCF one

                          Comment


                          • lol deary me where do they find 'em

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Deano View Post
                              lol deary me where do they find 'em
                              Well I could tell you where to find 'em, if you really wanna look?

                              Free the UKCF one

                              Comment


                              • Nah, I enjoy 'em on here!

                                Comment

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