Who Makes You Laugh?

[Mr Moore]

trailer park supervisor Mr lahey, [shit hawks] classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eASOI_4-ww

[Mr Moore]

alan partirdge in paris..Classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v8VAt5hO8s

[linfield100]

A guy is walking past a wooden fence when he hear's a voice shouting 13...13...13...13 over and over.
He sees a small hole in the fence, and as he starts to look through it to see who is there, a finger shoots through and pokes him in the eye.
The voice continues.....14...14...14...14

[Robusto]

A young man walking along the Pier notices an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled the young man asks, " What are you doing?"
The old man replies, " Fishing for c*nts ".
"Sounds good. Can I join you?", replied the young man.
"Of course you can, pull up a pew son".
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, and then says, "So how many c*nts have you caught today?"
The old man replies, " You're the third this morning".

[rokkitsci]

A couple comes in to see a lawyer (soliciter?); the old man is 107, his wife is 103.

"How can I help you," asks the lawyer?

The old man tells him "We want a divorce."

The lawyer is stunned and momentarily speechless. Finally, he asks the couple how long they've been married.

The old man answers "Going on 85 years now."

Again, the lawyer is taken aback. Regaining his composure, he asks "Well after all that time, why do you want a divorce now?"

The old woman replies "Well, we wanted to wait until the children were all dead first."

(ba-da-boom)

[Robusto]

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night
She looked pretty good for a 60-year old.
In fact, she wasn?t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, well more than a bit, we had a kiss & cuddle and she asked me if I ever had a Sportsman?s double?
What?s that? I asked.
It?s a mother & daughter threesome, she said.
Oh, I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. No I haven?t. And wondered what this daughter of hers might be like.
We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs
Mom, are you awake?

[Scottish_Cuban]

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting
at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his
wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting here
at this breakfast table together."
"Hmmm," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jay birds
fifty years ago this morning."
"Well," the old lady snickered, "What do you say...should we?"
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples
are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied the old man. "One's in your coffee and
the other one's in your oatmeal!"

[linfield100]

I always remember Groucho Marx saying in one of his films:

" I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member"

Tony

[larrysputnik]

Who makes me laugh?

Why Drew of course. Great songs and outstanding stage poses. Keep on rockin'!

[Robusto]

Two good filth splats in a row there!

[linfield100]

A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We
have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain
from sex for one whole month.' The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-
half weeks returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and
the husband was obviously very depressed. 'You are back so soon...Is
there a problem?' the pastor inquired. 'We are terribly ashamed to
admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required
month.' the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what
happened. 'Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed
to abstain through sheer will-power.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we
managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried
cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our
minds off Carnal Thoughts. One afternoon my wife reached for a can of
paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was
overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and
there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour
and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,' admitted
the man, shame-facedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly,
'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.'

'We know.' said the young man, hanging his head,
'We're not welcome at B&Q either.'

[Scottish_Cuban]

Little Harry goes to school, and the teacher says.
'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words in our class. Does anyone have an example of a multi-syllable word'?
Harry says 'Mas-tur-bate'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Harry, that's a real mouthful'.
Little Harry says, ' no, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job.'

[cohibaIV]

[Robusto]

[Scottish_Cuban]

Saw this at half 5 this morning and it made me chuckle. Hope you smurk atleast with it haha.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.


She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night"

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have got out today.'