Catwalk fall about
This gets me giggling...
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Britisher Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Inglelander Ship: This is the Captain of a Ship of the Royal Navvie. I say again, divert your course.
Reply: Noooo... I say again, you divert YOUR course!
RN Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HIS MAJESTY'S BOLLOCKS, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE ROYALE NAVYES. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
Reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.Leave a comment:
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British Airways pilot was flying into Dusseldorf airport for the first time in 1956. ATC told him to go to Apron 4 and wait. The pilot took a wrong turn and ended on Apron 5.
The ATC sked him, "You are on de wrong Apron! Haf you neffer been to Dusseldorf before?"
"I have," answered the pilot, "but it was in 1944 and we didn't land....."Leave a comment:
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A US army platoon was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men; the platoon leader asked the injured soldier what had happened?
The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low-life scumbag who'd got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, useless, lying one-eyed porridge eater and Lord Mandelson is a pillow-biting gay bastard!
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and ponces about like a frigid, hatchet-faced lesbian.
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Harriet Harman!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bloody bus hit us."Leave a comment:
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A conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .
It's too good not to pass along..
The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defence Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defence Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defence Radar: (no response .... total silence)Leave a comment:
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Oh dear......
I am just calming down after reading this article and I have to clean up again because I think I have wet myself (a little)
This is what the Internet was really invented for:
I am thinking of a Forum competition for the first one of the Forum Members to get an article 'printed' on the web site.
Get going boys and girls, I have just submitted mine, it's about Sol Campbell and the stair lift that has been fitted at the Emirates to get him in and out of the dug out!!
“We’re going to verify the existence of nipples on women next, just as soon as we can get a girl to take her bra off for us”, said Doctor BennettLeave a comment:
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